Almost Christmas......

This past Sunday my family came down to our house to celebrate Christmas.... It was the first time we hosted Chistmas at our house.... Tom and I did a lot to prepare last week and my sister Kerri (who lives with us and is going to college down here) helped quite a bit too....

Sunday was a success.... Everyone had a good time and said the food was delicious too! While standing there with my family around I couldn't help to reflect that hopefully next year we will be celebrating our 1st Christmas with a child in our home... One that will eventually be ours forever....

I am hoping this is our last 'Childless' Christmas and look forward to seeing the wonder in their eyes on Christmas morning.....

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

Count down to classes is on!

Last night my husband & I attended an information session for the Foster Care -Adoption classes for our county that we have to take.... They are held on Wednesday evening starting January 7th for 9 weeks....

After the holidays are over our life will be filled with classes, interviews, homestudies, inspections, finger printing and paper work.... but, at the end we will be ready for when a placement becomes available.....

So, the count down is on..... 20 days til classes start and counting!

A friend of a friend.......

The other week my hubby and I went to our friend's house for dinner and told them of our plans to not proceed with any more fertility treatments and look into foster care- adoption. It so happens that a friend of theirs has been going through the same program in our county.

My friend contacted her friend and forwarded her e-mail address to me. I contacted her and she has given me some very good information as to how to get started with this process... She seems very glad to help and answer any questions we may have. It's so nice to 'talk' to someone who has been through it (and in my area too!).....

The first piece of advice she gave me was to sign up for PRIDE classes (not sure yet what they stand for) and to get a good caseworker. She recommended her's and per my request forwarded our information to him. I had not heard from him and it's been almost a week, so today I called him. He referred me to the recruiter who I had to leave a message for.... Her message said a packet will be sent out....

So, now I guess I just wait for that and see what it has for us! I am used to waiting although I am not a real patient person.... But, I will wait for this packet...... Glad I called now instead of waiting until January.....

I guess that is what you call taking 'baby steps'.....

Being Thankful......

Last week was Thanksgiving.... I had a much needed long weekend.... I spent some time at home alone, relaxing (my hubby was deer hunting part of the weekend) and I tried to reflect on the 'good' and not the 'bad' in our lives....

I am first of all thankful for my husband.... He is supportive, loving and most of all my best friend.... We have been through a lot together in the past 9 yrs of being together and 4 yrs of being married.... We get through it but, sometimes we have some bumps along the way.... He has been my rock through this whole TTC ordeal.... He has been there to hold me when I cry or listens when I am angry because we did not succeed in getting pregnant again! He has given me shot after shot and still 'grieved' with me when the IVF's have failed..... He is my everything....

I am thankful for the rest of my family (both near and far) and even for those who aren't with us anymore for being a part of my life....

I am thankful for my friends.... My longtime friends that have been through thick and thin with me and my BBC girls who 'listen' to all my hopeful expectations and comfort me when I fall..... Sometimes I don't know where I would be with out this group of ladies......

And, in this economic time I am also thankful for my job.... I have a good job that I enjoy!

As much as I am thankful for all that I have..... I want more.... I want to be a 'Mommy' to more than my cats (although I love them like they are my children!).... I just feel like I have more love to share......

Tom and I decided to wait until January to start the next steps in our process.... I love the holidays.... But, this year I am anxious to get the holidays over with so Tom & I can start on our new journey to hopefully find a child that will one day be ours!

Moving on......

The last time I wrote was the day before our Egg Retrieval for our 3rd IVF/ICSI cycle..... Things didn't go well the next day (10/1/08) and I haven't felt like writing since.... But, now it's different....

On 10/1/08, my part of the retrieval went well.... We retrieved 21 eggs and 19 of them were mature.... Great numbers... But, when they looked at my husband's sample there were no sperm in there. They did an 'emergency' procedure on him that afternoon and still had no success. We signed papers to freeze my eggs and left the clinic very sad and confused.... Why? Why did this have to happen to us??? The next several weeks we talked about our options and met with another Urologist who seemed to say the opposite of the Urologist who preformed his procedure... We left there with a plan for Tom to take meds and vitamins and re-test to see if they have come back.... Our insurance doesn't cover any cryopreservation (freezing of eggs or sperm) so all that would be 100% our responsibility.... It is very expensive and we would not have a guarantee that we would get pregnant either.... We discussed it and decided on Thursday November 20, 2008 to not continue with any more treatments but, to move forward and look into adoption.

This is a big step for us.... Yes, I know that I won't experience all the joys of being pregnant and feeling my little on move for the first time inside me.... Won't be the first person to look into his/her eyes..... But, Tom and I have so much love that we can give to a child who needs it..... Maybe this decision is the best for me physically too as I would've been a high risk pregnancy if I were to get pregnant....

So, our plan is to enjoy the holidays and then in January start our new journey..... I hope this one will bring us to the child we have been dreaming of.....

Almost Retrieval time!

The call came in last yesterday afternoon from my nurse @ the fertility clinic that we were to give my final shots yesterday and the 'trigger' shot.... The trigger shot helps release the eggs and makes it easier for the Dr to retrieve them during the retrieval process. Once the shot is given the eggs need to be removed in about 36 hours... Our shot was given @ 8:15pm last night so our retrieval will be 8:15am tomorrow morning..... We live almost 3 hrs away from the facility so we will travel up to that area tonight and stay since we have to be @ the facility by 6:30am tomorrow.... Hoping for several mature eggs to be fertilized tomorrow so we can have a good selection to choose from!

Stim update!

Yesterday's appointment went well... There were about 14 measurable follicles between 13-14 mm... The u/s tech said it looked good to her and they were growing at a good rate, not too fast and not too slow.... When the nurse called in the afternoon I was hoping to hear that the E2 had raised better, and she did... My E2 for yesterday was 462 which the nurse said was a good increase... They left my meds the same dose and said to come back Monday morning for my next u/s & b/w.... This week will be the crazy week because I expect we will have to go several times this week then my ER will be later in the week maybe Friday or Saturday.... I am excited yet nervous and scared because I am afraid it won't work again but, feel I needed to do it one more time just to say we exhausted all our insurance tries. Here's hoping for more good news after tomorrow's appt!

Monitoring Update

The period in the IVF process we are in right now is called the 'monitoring' stage... They are monitoring the follicle growth so they know exactly when to give the next set of meds and go to the next phase of this process....

We went yesterday morning to our appt and we now have about 6 'measurable' follicles... My Dr's office measures them when they start to get about 10mm big.... Then in the afternoon my nurse Beth called to say that one of the blood tests they draw is the E2 level (think it measures estrogen or something) wasn't rising as they want so, they increased one of my meds for last night and tonight and return to the office on Saturday morning.... Please let the increase produce the results they want... I really need this to work this time! My original date on my protocol sheet for my Egg Retreival (ER) was 9/29/08 but, I know we won't be doing it that soon so now I am thinking it will be more like 10/2/08 or 10/3/08... That's ok w/ me as long as my cycle doesn't get cancelled for my E2 level not rising....

I am getting really nervous and scared that this cycle will end like the other 2... I really hope it doesn't!

Stim Meds

My appt on Tuesday 9/23/08 went well... They found 13 follicles on my rt ovary (along with my cyst that has been there for a yr now!) and 14 follicles on my lt ovary.... none were measurable yet but, the u/s tech said that was good because if there were some mesurable ones they would be growing too fast.... Nurse called in the afternoon to say same dose of meds 9/23 & 9/24 and return to the office for next appt on 9/25/08 in the morning.... Hoping for good progress when we return!

On our way!

Our appointment went well today and we got the call this afternoon saying to start our stim injections tonight! Finally, we are on our way again..... Our next appt is 9/23/08..... Hope this protocol is the one that works!

Introduction

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a Mother.... I loved playing house as a child.... I met my husband, Tom on 11.11.1999. We had a connection from the begining.... It wasn't long before I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.... 5 years and 2 days later on 11.13.2004 we were married. We discussed waiting 1-2 years before having children. In July 2005 we decided to stop using birth control and start trying to have a baby.... The first few months I tried to tell myself it will happen... But, soon I began to wonder..... In the Winter/Spring of 2006 I was having some problems with my cycles and went to my OB/GYN to find out what was wrong. They did some tests and diagnosed me with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome).... My body did not ovulate on it's own. They put me on medicine to help regulate my cycles.... We were told that due to my age we couldn't really do much more testing until we had been trying for over a year. I had a follow up in October 2006 and since it had been over a year and my cycles had started to regulate a bit better we could start getting tested. First they tested my husband. His tests came back abnormal. Since it seemed there were issues on both sides for us they decided to refer us to the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) for further testing... Once meeting with the RE, they did another test on my husband and ordered a test to make sure my tubes were clear. My test came back normal... My tubes were not blocked... His came back about the same..... They also found out I had Diabetes Type II and I was told I had to get that under control before going forward.... We were also told by the RE that our only option of getting pregnant was doing IVF/ICSI (Invitro Fertilization with Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection). I worked with my PCP for several months to get my Diabetes under control and in July 2007 I returned to the RE ready to start this journey....

Cycle #1 was in August/September 2007. We transfered 1 six day blast embryo. On October 10, 2007 we found out we did not get pregnant. We were devistated but, decided to wait a few months and try again.

Cycle #2 was in January/February 2008. We transfered 2 three day embryos. The Doctor said they were 'perfect'. We found out on March 4, 2008 it did not work again. Again we were left feeling sad and confused.

I started my Lupron injections for Cycle #3- our last cycle that insurance will cover on September 11, 2008. Tomorrow I will go for my first monitoring appointment for this cycle. I have decided to document this cycle in a blog to help people understand how hard this process is or to help someone who is thinking of going through it see what goes on.... I am hoping we will have a happy ending this time but only time will tell.....

Thanks for letting me tell you my story and letting me share my journey with you......