This past weekend has been a rough patch.... since seeing his relatives while leaving day care on Thursday afternoon J's behavior has gotten progressively worse ending the weekend in a huge tantrum last night.... Over nothing... J has been calling us names and telling us repeatedly he doesn't like living with us.... His tantrum was so bad that we called the emergency number but he ended up calming down so we decided not to have them come out. I spoke to his case worker first thing this morning and she had already been notified about the incident and said we did everything right and that 'the honeymoon is over and you are seeing the real J now'.... I asked when they will make a decision what his plan will be-- will he stay or will he go? She said they are not sure when they will make the final decision... They are taking a lot of things into consideration....
A friend asked me what I want to happen.... As hard as the angry times are (and last night was bad let me tell you!) the loving/cuddly times are wonderful! He can go from happy/loving to angry in a matter of minutes and back.... I don't want to give up on him.... Maybe that is part of his problem-- maybe everyone has given up on him and that can't be good for his self esteem right??? I suggested therapy for him (I used to work for a provider that had a mental health department and worked in it for a while so I know a good 'play therapist' that works with young children) but, she said they don't want to start it until they know what his plan is.... HELLO! He needs to get some help & soon!!!! I am going to leave it in their hands..... If he is meant to stay he will stay... If he is meant to go he will go and I will be sad and miss him but after all I want what is best for him....
My hubby is doing ok with all of this.... He stays in the background and lets me handle the tantrums for the most part.... He misses us being able to go and do whatever we want and I do too but, I also know that having a child in our lives (biological or not) means sacrifice.... We will be celebrating 10 years together this Wednesday (11/11) and 5 years of marriage this Friday (11/13).... For 10 yrs it's been just the 2 of us... Now we have someone else to think about, care for and love.... And it is an adjustment I must admit..... But one I have been planning for over 4 years now.
So as we live day to day waiting for the decision to be made about J's plan..... We now know 'the honeymoon is over!'... This is the real J!
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I really think he is having a tantrum to protect himself. He is falling in love with you guys, and probably suspects this might not be permanent. I think he's throwing the tantrums so if he happens to leave, he will think it's because he was "bad." I have heard that older adopted kids will do this to test that no matter how bad they get, that you will still love him and be there for him. (almost like a teenager testing boundaries). It sounds like this little guy has been through so much already...it breaks my heart. I think if you knew he'd stay (and he knew!) it would help so much.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about you guys and keep checking back often to hear your updates!