Sunday's with my hubby......

The one thing I have learned from FC is that you can go from being a childless couple to instant 'parents' of in our case a 4 year old in a matter of hours...... My husband and I are best friends.... We are a very close couple who enjoys being together and doing things with each other.... Even if it's 'nothing'.... It's hard for us to spend nights apart even when we have too.... We were so used to doing everything together, that it was hard for me to stay at home and my hubby still go do what 'we' used to do together.... Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining but, most of the other couples in our FC class already had children and so I think it would be an easier transition on their relationship than not having any children at all.... When you are a FC parent you can't just leave your child with anyone (not that i would leave my bio child with 'just anyone' but, I think you know what I mean). They have to be fingerprinted and background checked and I recently realized that they have to be over 18 yrs old too. We originally signed my sister and my in-laws as our backup providers. After J came to live with us and was having behavior issues it soon came to light that we could not/ would not leave him with my 70 something year old in-laws.... My sis was our only back up and she was finishing her last semester in college. So, we recently signed up a couple we met in FC class and another friend of my hubby's is in the process of being a back up for us.

My point is, that we have every Sunday with out J now when he visits his family.... We spend most of the day running errands and getting things done but, I realized today that it's nice to have 'us' time again.... We love J very much and part of us misses him when he isn't around but, with any parents you need 'Mommy/Daddy' time and I try to enjoy these Sunday's with my hubby. He is my rock and I love him very much..... Having a 4/5 year old with behavior issues takes a toll on us sometimes but, it's nice to be able to connect at least 1 day a week and just be 'us'.... We don't have to worry about if J will have a meltdown or 'entertaining' him for a few hours that day....

When J returns though we are there with open arms ready to hear about his day and feel renewed to get through another week.

Work of Art!

One of J's works of art! It's Shrek & Fiona (not he & I). Notice the 'angry' eye brows Shrek has. J likes to draw most of his people w/ angry eyes.... I wonder if it means something?

This has been a particularly rough week behavior wise w/ J.... His behavior had mellowed out here at home and several weeks ago started escalating at school..... But, now his behavior at home is starting to be more negative.... I get exhausted..... We are working on some things.... So, I hope we can get him back on track both at school and home again soon.

Above is just one of J's many works of art he has made while living with us. He loves to draw or create with play dough. He can draw/color for hours sometimes..... He has recently learned how to spell my name.... I had to spell it to him several times but, now he can do it.... When he came to stay with us, I didn't realize he knew how to write his name until he showed me one night shortly after coming here. He has since learned how to spell one of our cat Jessie's name and my hubby... But, his shortened name is only 3 letters.... But, mine-- is a whole 7 letters long! I was so proud when he told me 'Don't spell it to me-- I know it now!'. We take his magna doodle or his text n learn game and he asks me to spell stuff to him and we practice letters or spelling words on the way to and from daycare. He is soooo smart!

In a few weeks it will be the 6 mo anniversary of J coming to stay with us. I think they are getting closer and closer to transitioning J back home.... I know in my heart this is what he wants and we talk about 'being friends' even after he leaves... He asks me all the time and I tell him if he wants to see me I would love to stay his 'friend'.... I wonder though if it will really happen... They talk about maintaining connections in FC classes but, I wonder if the family will really want us in their lives... They probably won't want a reminder of this time..... Thinking of that makes me a little sad.... I love J so much and thinking about him leaving is bitter sweet for me.... I want him to be happy and back with his family that he loves so much but, there is a piece of my heart that I think will always belong to him....

My brother and his girlfriend are just weeks away from having their first baby together (she has a daughter from a previous relationship).... This has been a hard pregnancy for me because as the oldest child, I always dreamed of being the first to have a grandchild on our side of the family.... That will never happen now even if we end up adopting.... So, I am a little sad about that fact.... I know I need to 'put on my big girl panties and deal with it' but, honestly sometimes I am very glad that he lives 2 1/2 hrs away so I don't have to deal with this all the time....

One last thing... I am thinking about making my blog private.... I would let anyone who is following it now join but, sometimes I don't really write or write what I want because of the situation and not knowing exactly who is really reading.... I have been thinking about it for a while and haven't made up my mind 100% yet but, wanted to put it out there..... I will keep you updated on my decision and give you time to let me know if you would want to be included.

Happy Easter!!!

Ooops! I got too much stuff that it didn't all fit in the bucket.... Trust me, J didn't seem to notice :0)

J checking out his loot!

Playing with his new basketball game!

Today was Easter... J seemed happy with what the Easter Bunny left him.... We talked about him not coming out of his room until he woke us up... My hubby heard him first and asked him what he was doing.... He said he wanted to get up.... So, we got up.... J told me 'My Easter basket isn't on the big table'... I said 'I hope he came!'.... Then we walked into the kitchen and his loot was located there.... I am glad we changed our minds and made him 'wonder' if 'The Easter' even came.....

He was with his family for most of the rest of the day but, we had a good morning playing his new catch/toss game and trying to put together his new puzzle (but, he gave up on it so we will have to try again another time)

Overall, it was a good day.... He now has 3 Easter baskets.... One from my Mom and one from his family.... He is going to be hyped up on candy for weeks!

Hope everyone had a very Happy Easter! It was fun having a child in the house this year! The Easter Bunny even left my hubby & I a little bit of candy :0)

The Greatest Show On Earth!

Our 'Lil Man' handing in our tickets!

Choosing his souvenir

Waiting for the show to begin!

The Elephants :0)

The finale!

As mentioned in my previous post, my sister and I took J to the Circus today... He had a great time and loved it! It was the 'Illuscination' show so it had some magic in it that J had a 'take it or leave it' attitude sometimes with that part. He got bored with the acrobats sometimes too and was anxious for more animals to come out... Overall all 3 of us had a good time!

After the Circus J and I babysat a 12 day old baby boy for our friends we met in FC class... They had tickets to the Circus for the afternoon show and I offered to keep him for them while they went..... He was asleep almost the whole time he was at our house but, he was a sweetie! J was a big helper and so, I let him hold the baby for a moment (with my help of course!)....

Now, I need to go to sleep... J will probably be up early in the morning to see what The Easter brought him (no it's not a typo-- J calls him 'The Easter'-- I keep trying to tell him to add the Bunny part)...

Almost Easter!

J getting a little help from my sis dying his eggs

J Checking on the eggs

Some of our finished products.... Don't they look beautiful?

J enjoying his work :0)

Tonight my sister and I dyed Easter eggs with J.... He did a great job and was very gentle with them! We love dying eggs and it was fun to share the joy of doing that with a little one this year! He had fun too! He loved seeing the water 'magically' turn into the beautiful colors!

He is so excited for the Easter Bunny to come... We went to visit Mr. Bunny this past Saturday but, my 'back of the head' pic is stuck on the internal memory on my camera and I can't download it off right now (I misplaced the cord) :0( His pics came out so cute! I wish I could post them... But trust me-- they are adorable!

The Easter Bunny is almost ready for our house... Just a few little things and everything will be ready.... I can't wait to see J's expression that morning.... He will be here for the morning then go to his normal Sunday visit w/ his family for the rest of the day....

J's behavior has been sliding back at home lately.... Last night was a particularly rough night but, then tonight was so fun doing the eggs.... Chutes & Ladders I tell ya!

Stay tuned-- We have an exciting weekend.... My sister, J and I are going to the Circus on Saturday! I haven't been to the Circus since I was a kid and I am looking forward to it... I haven't really told J yet because his perception of time isn't good (like all kids his age) and something we did 5 months ago (yes, J has been here 5 months now and actually the 23rd of this month is 6 mos he will be with us!) was 'yesterday'.... I will tell him tomorrow night.... We saw a commercial for it and he pointed it out and I asked him if he would like to go and he said 'Sure-- I never been to the Circus before' (he says that about a lot of stuff)

Happy Spring!

My sister & I picked this shirt out for J a couple weeks ago.... He always says 'Hey Girrrlll' when he sees girls-- especially pretty ones (of all ages!)

We went to the park/zoo to enjoy this beautiful first day of Spring! (yeah, I now realize I set the wrong date on the camera when I put the batteries in this morning)

We met my friends and their daughter there.... J & J playing in the sand.....

J and his new 'girl' J walking in the zoo..... He wanted to hold her hand but, she didn't have time for that ;0)

Today was the first day of Spring... It was beautiful out so my friends invited J and I to meet them at the park..... J had never met their daughter J yet.... He didn't really seem interested in her at first because in his eyes she is still a 'baby' (she is 2 1/2) and he is a big boy.... But, as the afternoon went on he started showing interest and trying to get her to play with him but, then she was too busy to care.... Isn't that the way it goes in life? One party is interested and the other isn't then when party #1 is interested party #2 isn't.... They learn early don't they? The park & zoo are right next to each other so, after they played we walked through the zoo.... Both places were packed... After all the 'snow days' our area had this winter I think everyone wanted to enjoy the day...... J played in the sand box the most while we were at the park so, I think we are going to invest in one for him at home because he loves to create stuff...

After the zoo we drove by Rita's to get a treat... It was packed (they give out free stuff on the first day of spring) and so I didn't think J would wait in that line so, we went down the road to Baskin Robbins and he enjoyed a treat from there.... After enjoying our treat we went home to throw the football around and blow bubbles until J decided he didn't like the bugs and wanted to go inside.... It was a good day! I was so proud of J doing such a good job at taking turns with the toys at the sand box and waiting his turn for the slides..... He can be impatient sometimes so, I was a proud 'Mama' to see that!

We finished the night off by watching Scooby Doo... He loves that movie and I can't believe I had never watched them before now.... The actual 'movie' ones not the cartoons... Don't get me wrong the cartoons are cool too but, the movies they made several years ago are so funny! I enjoy them just as much as J I think!

While we were at the park, I saw someone who I had not seen in years.... She said hi and asked who J was.... I quietly said 'He is our foster son' (didn't want the whole park to hear) and she said 'Oh, he's cute.... How long do you get to keep him?' I told her we don't know and that he had been with us since October... She said 'Is he local?' and I said yes.... Then I said something that let her know his family gets visits (sorry can't remember because her next comment shocked me-- kinda) and she said 'So, they just want someone else to raise their kids?' I don't know this didn't sit with me very well.... I just left it by telling her his family is working to get him back.... Then I changed the subject by asking about her daughter and she introduced me to her 20 mo old son I had never seen (she is more an old friend of my hubby than mine so, we don't really see each other much)...

One thing I forgot to mention the last time I posted, was a cute thing J said a few weeks ago... We were eating pizza at my in-laws house and someone called him 'Darling' and he said "I am not a darling, I am the foster son!' I tell you-- the things kids say.... He has heard me call him my foster son and he is conflicted that I am doing 'Mommy' things but, I am not his Mommy. I told him Mr. T and I are substitute parents like when his teacher is out he has a substitute in school.... But to hear him come out with this so matter of factly cracked us up inside... We didn't want him to think we were laughing at him....

Well, I am exhausted from our busy day... I have been going non stop (almost I did watch most of Scooby Doo w/ J) since I got up this morning... Happy Spring everyone!

Bad Blogger......

Hello there! I have been a bad blogger lately and I am sorry.... Every time I say I am going to sit down and write, something happens and I don't get too....

Unsupervised visits have been mixed up lately for J. He has had 2 overnight weekend visits and some day visits. Shortly after the first overnight visit, J has been having some behavior issues at school. DSS, the school and I are working to get him back on track.... They are going to get back on a 'regular' schedule so, hopefully it will help J.

It's getting really hard to balance work and appointments for J. I have only been at my current job 8 months and I am nervous to push my luck at work. The caseworkers don't seem to understand sometimes.... They don't stress the 'it's your job as a foster parent' thing when it comes to appointments in my opinion when you are taking the classes.... I am don't know if it truly is, but, they make you feel like it.... I try to do the best I can and my co-worker and supervisor have been really understanding... But, what if they stop? I cannot jeopardize my job. I try to voice this and they say they understand but, I don't think they really do. I understand they have a lot of children to 'watch over' too but, I just don't know what to do.

J's behavior has been better at home... He is listening to us better... That's a plus! I am so glad spring is almost here... We have had some nice weather the last few days..... I can't wait til it stays warm and we can go out and do things with J again.... I want to take him to a local minor league baseball game, the beach and the park....

That's about it for now..... Again I apologize for being a 'bad blogger'... I will try to do better :0)