Christmas Eve

J eating his cookies and watching the Sponge Bob Christmas show in his new Christmas Eve PJ's!

Today was Christmas Eve... I had to work a partial day (thanks to an awesome boss who let us out early!)..... J had to go to my work daycare for the first time today because his daycare was closed. He did well.... Was very shy at first in the morning but, they said he had a good day (with a few minor incidents) and he said he would like to go back again-- good thing because he is signed up for New Years Eve too!

We went to my in-laws tonight for pizza and presents. We have a tradition to exchange gifts on Christmas Eve with them and we kept it this year too. My brother-in-law and his family will be down tomorrow for the day. So dinner is at my in-laws house this year.... I am off the hook! J had fun opening his gifts and even 'helped' (or unwrapped by himself) me with my gifts.... My MIL did great again this year picking out some new tops to add to my work wardrobe! I can't wait to wear them next week!

Yesterday J had a family visit with presents too, so he is going to have 4 Christmases total once tomorrow comes! Luckily they didn't duplicate anything we had already bought for Santa to bring! I think he will be very pleased tomorrow.... Tonight he kept saying 'this is just what I wanted' after opening each gift!

I will pop on tomorrow to post pics and tell you how it goes.... For now, I need to get Santa working on filling up the space under the tree! I am doing the stocking! Then I will try to rest although I am anxious to see my lil guy wide eyed tomorrow morning and ready to rip into more gifts!

Good night & Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas Cookie Making Time!

Using cookie cutters to make the cookie shapes

Decorating with colored sugar!

Some of our beautiful Christmas cookies!

Tasting our delicious treats!

Today's adventure was to make Christmas cookies for Santa Clause and us of course! I hadn't made sugar cookies in years let alone with cookie cutters! But, I knew J would have fun, so my sister came over to assist! J loved using the cookie cutters and enjoyed sprinkling colored sugar (which my hubby came up with the idea of making our own for the colors we didn't already have & it worked well! Just sugar & food dye!) and finally got to enjoy his treats once they were cooled out of the oven! We are going to pick out a few for Santa and keep those seperate so we don't eat his by mistake! We had fun doing it though and thats what counts! J was such a big helper!

We did go out once today to play in the snow but, last nights snow was the light fluffy kind not the wet snowman making kind, so J lost interest in it fast! We only got a few inches total.

Wow, another day closer to Christmas! I can't believe we are only a few days away! I am making my sister something special this year and need to get working on it! I think I will work on it when I am done here!

An Early Christmas Celebration & Snow Fun!

J ripping into the Christmas presents my Mom brought him!

J Playing with his new Hot Wheels car carpet! He loves it!

My lil sis & I on her graduation day! I am sooo proud of her!

J making his 1st snowman at our house!

Our masterpiece! Then a few moments later he destroyed it!

The last few days have been busy, exciting and fun!

Thursday 12.17.09 my Mom and her boyfriend arrived in town for my lil sister's college graduation which was Friday. We decided to celebrate Christmas a little early because my hubby & I don't feel comfortable making a 2 1/2 hr trip each way w/ J right now to celebrate Christmas. So, we decided to exchange gifts while they were in town. J had a ball opening the gifts! He ripped right into them! His fave was the color wonders coloring book & markers and his new Hot Wheels car carpet. It was a nice night with family... and makes me even more excited to see him on Christmas morning rip into his presents!

Friday 12.18.09 was both my lil sister's college graduation and J's first over night visit w/ his sisters foster family. I was so proud to watch my sister except her degree! She moved down here with my hubby & I almost 3 yrs ago to get back on track with college and she has done so well finishing with 7 A's this semester! It's been a long road for her and it has finally paid off! She will start grad school in the fall. She may be moving though and that makes me sad because I have enjoyed having her so close for the past 3 years. Then we took J for his sleep over at his sister's foster family's house. My hubby & I wanted to make it special for him so we found a 'Construction Area' theme book bag, sleeping bag, tent, and accessories to give to him before he went and he LOVES it! I let him take the book bag with his clothes in it and the sleeping bag (although I knew they had a bed for him I thought it might help having something of his too) and some of the accesories with him. He had a good time it seems... I am glad he didn't get too upset! His sister's foster family will be going out of state for the holidays so he will see her on Christmas Eve but then won't see her for a couple weeks until they return and we can set up another visit.

Today 12.19.09 it snowed! J has been asking for snow and he finally got it... I was sitting at lunch yesterday and realized I needed to get him some boots! I am so glad I did because he really used them today! He went out and played with his sister and her foster family in the morning before we picked him up then he & I went out twice at our house! We made a snowman but J kicked it down moments after I took a picture of our masterpiece! He loves the snow and wants hot chocolate to warm up with when he comes in. We are supposed to get more snow tonight (it's snowing as I type this) so I am sure it will be another day in & out! I usually dread the snow but, we don't really have to go anywhere tomorrow so, it will be nice to just stay home! J wants to make another snowman tomorrow and this one he wants to be bigger!

I can't believe we are almost 5 days til Christmas... My in-laws wrapped some of J's things for us but we still have some to wrap... I can't wait to put it all under the tree and wake up Christmas morning to watch him open them! Although I am nervous because when I picked J up from his visit @ DSS this week I heard an adult family member say they would be bringing presents to next week's visit.... I hope they don't duplicate stuff we already got for him.... But, if they do, we are prepared to make a last minute dash to the store to exchange and replace it with something else... We will see... The visit is Wednesday afternoon so who knows! Maybe we will get lucky but, I had my in-laws 'mark' each thing just in case so I can know which toy to grab and take back without having to unwrap each one!

Life is not fair.....

Things have been going pretty well with J lately.... Which makes me sad that he may be moving to another home sometime in the future (there is still a possibility he won't too... who knows!).... He gets emotional sometimes and goes to his room then comes back out but, no major meltdowns since last week visiting his sister (YAY!)....

Today we dropped J off to visit and my hubby & I got to spend the whole day together (well from 10a-5p at least!).... What did we do? We went Christmas shopping for J! I think we did well and I think he will have a good Christmas (at least I hope!).... When we dropped him off his sister's foster mom told me she found out J's Mom is pregnant again! What the-- (as J would say- he just says the What the part and doesn't finish it-- thank goodness!) Why is it that someone who can't take care of their children that they already have can get pregnant so easily but someone like me who longs for a child of my own to hold in my arms can't? It's just not fair!

For now I will love her child and care for him until DSS decides what will happen next.... Until then I will play 'Mommy' and 'Santa' with J and be grateful he is in my life for whatever time he is with us.....

This makes me think back to my own childhood.... I used to say 'It's not fair!' and my Mom would say 'Life is not fair!'..... I agree!

And the stockings were hung.....

Our stockings! The 3 cats, J's, mine, hubby's and my sisters (even though she doesn't live with us this year we still hung hers up too-- J wanted it up!)

J talking to our cat Jessie infront of our finished product!

We don't have a chimney so the next line for us is.... By the door with care. We have a 1/2 wall I call it when you walk in our front door and the top/open part is framed out. I usually hang our stockings up there. On the Saturday after Thanksgiving while my hubby was hunting J and I decorated the tree... He had been asking since Halloween to decorate for Christmas.... I told him our tradition was to do it the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It was just J and I and we put on Christmas carols and decorated our tree.... I don't think he had done it before so it was fun to have a 'helper' and I think he had fun too!


The past few weeks have been pretty good with J and his anger.... We have had less and less tantrums and more and more fun.... I think he is getting more and more comfortable with us... I found out last week that DSS wants to transition him to the foster home his sister is in after the holidays.... I do understand them wanting them to be together but, we have been doing visits w/ his sister the past few weeks and they don't get a long very well and he has told me a few times he doesn't want to go see her.... I talk him into it and he has more fun playing w/ her 4 yr old foster sister than his bio sister.... We are doing visits @ DSS with adult members of his family too... The first one he threw a tantrum afterwards and we were there over an hour getting him calmed down to leave.... Last week's he had some other issues.... I am keeping track of it and letting the case worker know.... I just worry about him finally getting comfortable here/with us and he will be moved again so soon then if the family gets him back at some point he will be moved yet again.... But, I can't stop it... I am sad thinking about it but, we have gotten to know the other foster family already with the visits and they assured me we can still keep in touch... I am trying not to think about it and just enjoy the holidays..... Some friends worry I am getting too attached.... I would agree if I ignored the fact he may leave but, I admit it will probably happen and I am not going to be an ignorant witch focusing on him leaving and be miserable while he is here making him miserable..... He is our lil guy for now and I am just going to love him and enjoy playing Santa for the first time in years! (my sis was 11 yrs younger than me so I had to help my parents play Santa as a teen for her sake!)


My hubby is still having a harder time adjusting to having a little one in our life and not being able to go and do as we wish.... I am ok with it as long as I get some breaks too like he does. I have left them together 2 times this week for a few hours and both times went well! They get to 'bond' too and I see them getting closer.... Of course before I could leave on Saturday to go to my friend's baby shower J made me pick him up about 10 times to hug/hang on me before I could leave.... Then he said I was gone too long! Tonight he did great too my hubby said... I am glad... The first time I left them together was a few weeks ago and J had a huge tantrum and I had to leave my meeting to come home quickly.... I still worry when I am out but over time I know it will get better..... I keep reminding my hubby that these changes in our life/relationship would happen even if it were our biological child in our life..... It will get easier I know....

So, with a little over 2 weeks until Christmas I am getting more and more excited to see J on Christmas morning!

I will try to blog more in the next few weeks and update on our holiday activities!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Our turkey we decorated as our 1st 'family project' w/ J

Playing nintendo DS with his 'cousin' H on Thanksgiving....

One of the napkin rings J & I made for our guests....

Today was Thanksgiving.... It went well.... J loved playing with his 'cousin' H.... They played and played hard! My Mom and brother got him a couple toys when they came which was a nice gesture and he loved them! He did really well with all our family and friends in the house.

This year besides my husband, family, job and health-- I am thankful for having J in our life for however long he is with us......

I hope all of you had a great holiday. Happy Thanksgiving!

Visits....

J had his first visit with his sister since he came to stay with us this past Sunday. It went well. At first he was shy around his sister's foster Mom and little foster sister and kept me close. Eventually I got him interested in puzzles with them and they all had a good time.... We will be doing visits each week and stretching the time out to give them more & more time together each time.... Eventually they want to be able to let them have full weekend visits too....

Monday was his first visit w/ 2 adult family members @ DSS since his placment with us. I was introduced to them and was glad when J ran over to me when he saw me and hugged me.... I was afraid he would be resentful to me.... He seemed to be doing ok as he said good bye to them although he did tell them he wanted to go home with them and but, they said he had to go with me..... He was playing with a toy he got at school and we were trying to tell him not to swing it so that it wouldn't hit anyone and then he had a tantrum. I am not sure if it was due to the visit or just his anger about being corrected. I was able to get good advice from J's sister's foster Mom because she has been doing this for a while and the case worker stayed with us to help him through it and gave some advice and tips....

I asked them both about J calling me Mommy sometimes (not all the time but, sometimes) and they said its ok and perfectly normal.... I would love him to call me it more but, I am not going to say anything just let it take it's course....

Since the visits things have been good. He has really been bonding w/ my hubby.... We took him to get his hair cut tonight and my hubby got his cut too... J told my hubby he wanted him to go first.... J wanted to watch and did a GREAT job when it came time for him! Tonight we were getting things around the house done because we are hosting Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and he was helping my hubby being a good helper! He told me tonight that he wanted to be like my hubby and wanted to have the same name as my hubby (he is named after his father so, I am thinking he feels like he wants to have the same name as his 'Daddy' here?)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving... He will be meeting several members of my family for the first time... I have tried to prepare him but, we'll see! My brother's girlfriend's daughter will be here... She is a few years older than J but I think they will get a long ok....

I went out to pool league with my hubby on Monday night and was talking to our close friends about how J was doing.... They told me I am getting too attached to him and they are worried about how I will be if he goes back to his family.... Too attached??? What am I supposed to do be a cold hearted woman??? I know it will be hard if he goes back but, I have to take that risk. This is my last 'chance' to be someones forever Mommy someday. I don't understand what they expect me to do.... I do love him... He is such a smart boy! And when he is not angry he is such a fun, good & loving boy telling me we are his 'best buddies!' Some of the things he says are SO funny! I told him he was 'too stinking cute' the other day and he said "I do not stink!"-- I didn't think about how he wouldn't understand that comment!

Well, I need to get to bed... I need to get some sleep... J doesn't sleep in at all and it's going to be a long, busy day tomorrow preparing my dinner....