From Trying to Conceive to Trying to Adopt.....

Thankful.....

2011-11-24T10:05:00.004-05:00

Today is Thanksgiving... I am ALWAYS thankful but, wanted to take a few moments to mention them here. I am thankful for....

My husband
My family
My friends
My job
My home
My cats
My health
My blog readers
For EVERYTHING!

But, what I am most thankful for this year is that I don't have to EVER worry if my son J will be leaving.... I am thankful for 2 birth families that finally put their children first and wanted them to grow up in a stable loving home.... I am thankful that I am a FOREVER Mommy because of them.... Without adoption, I would not be a Mom....

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Hope you have a great day with your family & friends today!

Trick or Treat Street 2011!

2011-10-23T17:08:00.004-04:00

Trick or Treat @ the mall!

Black suited Spiderman has arrived!

**** Wow! 3 posts in one day! I'm on a roll now!!!!********

Pumpkin picking & playing @ the farm......

2011-10-23T16:54:00.003-04:00

Proud of his pumpkins....

The apple [or worm depending on how you look at the picture] of our eye!

Rope climbing!

Daddy & Farmer Jeffrey!

Today we took our family trip to the farm to play & pick our pumpkins! We had a great time! I love our tradition of going the anniversary of the weekend J came to live with us.... This same farm was the first place we ever took J. I love that we come back here!

2 years today.....

2011-10-23T16:50:00.002-04:00

Two years ago today a little boy walked into our home and lives and stole our hearts.... I can't belive it's been 2 years since J came to live with us.... Such a handsome little boy that has come so far....

He asks me quite often the same question & I have to give the same answer:

J: Mommy, why do you love me?
Me: Because you are my son, my wish come true & my best friend.

I started asking him this question and requiring an answer after he asks me. This is what I got:

Me: Why do YOU love ME?
J: Because you adopted me!

Good answer son, good answer! Yes, 2 years ago today our lives changed and I wouldn't have it any other way!

I love you JTD!

A tale of two fishies....

2011-09-05T14:00:00.003-04:00

*new* fish on the left-- Redy Bluey & *old* fish on the right-- Chaser Blue

Before school started last week, J said he wanted another Betta fish. We made a deal. If he had a good first week of school we would grant his wish.... He had a great first week of school [with a few minor bumps in the road but, much better than we expected] so, today we paid up. Above on the left side of the fish bowl I introduce you to Redy Bluey! He now joins Chaser Blue [you know, the replacement fish for Nemo the one who came up *missing*].... Now I am glad I bought the bowl w/a divider so we can have 2 beautiful fish to watch swim around!

1st day of 1st grade!

2011-08-29T21:04:00.003-04:00

It's going to be a Super[hero] school year!

Ready for 1st grade!!

My big boy getting on the bus!

One more pic for Mommy before heading off!

Finally home after his 1st day!

Today was Jeffrey's 1st day of 1st grade.... I have been both excited and anxious for this day to come.... The past 2 yrs he has not been successful in school settings.... Yes, I know we have an IEP in place now. Yes, I know it's a different year/school/teacher.... But, I can't help but to wonder how this year is going to be.... We've been talking about school. Jeffrey has been asking 'When am I going to school?' for several weeks now, so I am glad the day finally came! The school was very nice and let us *visit* one day last week by ourselves since he is new to the school. We got a private tour and we met the teacher & principal while we were there. On Thursday was the school sponsored open house & picnic. My hubby met J & I at the open house. We got to meet the teacher [again] and her 2 aides that are in the room too. We found out there are 5 kids in J's class-- ALL BOYS! We pointed out his name all around the room and showed him different things. Daddy had to go back to work but, J & I stayed for the picnic. It was nice but, we didn't know many people so, we just hung out and had a drink.... His teacher asked him what his favorite subject was... My son's answer-- RECESS! Yeah-- that is my boy!

This past weekend we had a hurricane in our area. Irene. I wasn't sure if school would start today or not. But, after a pre-recorded phone call from the school yesterday it was official.... My boy would start 1st grade tomorrow!

Jeffrey was excited to start school today.... He had a great day! He got all *smileys* which is a good thing! He was excited to talk about his day tonight.... His favorite part of his day? Recess! [imagine that]

When we told him he was going to 1st grade J argued w/ me for days that he was: 'Not smart enough for 1st grade!' I assured him he was and that if he wasn't ready they wouldn't pass him on to the next grade.... Tonight as he was going to bed my sweet, sweet boy said 'Mommy, you were right.... I am smart enough to go to 1st grade!' Yes you are my lil man! Yes you are!

I am excited to see how much he learns & grows this year!

Summer time fun... pics.....

2011-08-21T21:35:00.003-04:00

Beach Day w/ Mommy & Aunt K 8.21.11
Inflatable slip & slide for a friend's 6th birthday party 8.20.11

State Park Waterpark 8.15.11

*Jawbone* Jeffrey on the Pirate Adventure Cruise 8.15.11

School is a week away and we have had a busy week trying to squeeze in some last minute summer time fun. On Monday a co-worker & I took J & her grandson that was in town for a visit on a Pirate Adventure cruise. It was so fun to see the kids have a great time! The place we went out of did an awesome job! After the pirate cruise we took the boys to a state park that had a small waterpark in it. Mother nature cooperated so we could have 2 1/2 hrs of fun in the sun before it stormed. We were leaving anyway when they announced they were closing the park for storms in the area. Yesterday we went to a farm/car show in the morning and to a birthday party for a friend's daughter who was turning 6. The rented a blow up slip & slide and the kids had a BLAST! Today my sister came in town for the day so we could take J to the beach. We had fun there then came home and relaxed, got crabs in the afternoon, made s'mores and watched our favorite TV program. J is in bed & she is on her way home but, it was an awesome day! This is J's last week before school. We are going to visit it 2x this week. I am hoping this year will be J's best year & with the special things we have in place he will be successful.

Wordless Wednesday [almost]

2011-07-27T18:14:00.002-04:00

*that he is!*

A picture of J when we were @ the doctor's office a couple weeks ago [for a well check]... I love that I can still dress him in shirts like this & he doesn't care!

Ps. I know I have been neglecting my blog, and yes I know I have promised to do better... We have just been SO busy lately enjoying life as a FOREVER family & not worrying if J will ever leave... I will come back soon I promise! Thanks for hanging in there with me!

[birthday] Wishes Do Come True!!!!

2011-06-30T21:48:00.005-04:00

Jeffrey & his *my dad is fly* shirt on Father's Day...

Fishing w/ Daddy on Father's Day....

Today is my birthday.... I am 35! For the past several years when my family & friends would sing 'Happy Birthday' to me, in my heart I was wishing [longing] to be a [forever] Mommy.... This year 20 days early my birthday wish for all these years FINALLY came true! I am now the FOREVER Mama to my lil man!

I am sorry I haven't had a chance to write our adoption day story but, my birthday also marks the end of the fiscal year @ work which is a busy time for us... So, we have been busy, busy and then when I get home by the time I get errands, dinner, bath, snack & bedtime done, I am ready to relax! I will try to do it soon [before Jeffrey turns 18!]... For now, here are some more pics of our lil man!

Thank you Jeffrey for making Mama's birthday wish come true this year!!! I love you!

Adoption Day-- Picture Post

2011-06-10T15:55:00.003-04:00

[my new favorite quote! It was on our table @ the party DSS hosted after the adoptions]

Picture w/ the judge!

First official family photo!

Today we became a forever family.... I will be back later to post our adoption day story but, wanted to be sure to post the pics today since it might take a day or 2 to get to it.... It's been a WONDERFUL but, busy day.....

Welcome to the family-- Jeffrey! We love you so much!

1 year, 7 months, 2 weeks & 3 days.....

2011-06-09T20:49:00.002-04:00

.... that is how long my hubby & I have been J's foster parents.... Tomorrow that will all change... We will be his FOREVER parents! We got a call this past Monday morning.... Finalization is on Friday! THIS FRIDAY I asked? Yes, THIS FRIDAY she said.... There were calls to make and I had to request the day off from work.... And I hadn't picked out what we would wear yet! It's been a whirlwind week..... Some of our family won't be able to attend due to the short notice and other prior commitments but, we know they will be there in our hearts.... We can celebrate later because we now know we have a LIFETIME ahead of us.... After tomorrow J will be FOREVER our son and NO ONE will be able to take him away!

I am so excited.... I feel like it's Christmas or my birthday [yes, I will be 35 in a few weeks and I STILL love my birthday!]....

Tomorrow my dear faithful friends & followers.... I will FINALLY be able to show you my sweet J's face and tell you his name! Thank you for your support and I am sorry I haven't been showing you much attention lately but, now, I will be able to share my family and our life to you fully and completely! Tomorrow.....

Today....

2011-05-04T21:33:00.003-04:00

Dear J,

Today was a big day in court for our soon to be *forever family*.... Today I was both happy and yet sad & proud at the same time....

Pride and sadness because the woman who brought you into the world had to make the hardest decision I am sure in her whole life but, it was the best decision she could've made for YOU!

Happy because this means we are one step closer to you becoming our *forever Son*! I can't wait to get the magical day that I can FINALLY share you with the world and tell everyone you are FOREVER ours!

I love you Lil Monkey!

Happy Easter 2011!

2011-04-24T20:44:00.003-04:00

J's Easter Basket this year... The Easter Bunny had trouble getting all that stuff to fit in there! But, EB learned it's lesson from last year and got a bigger basket so stuff didn't have to sit on the counter again this year! See last years post.

Very Early in the morning checking out his stash from the EB!

J loves bubbles and this year the EB got him a battery powered bubble blower! He loved it!

Trying out his new tool!

His own private egg hunt....

We had a quiet Easter at home. My MIL cooked dinner so we did go over there in the early evening to eat but, other than that we were at home.... J had a nice Easter.... He was up early though and so I am exhausted and won't be long out of bed myself.....

Hope everyone had a great holiday too!

18 months.....

2011-04-23T21:29:00.002-04:00

Dear J,

18 months ago tonight you walked into our home and stole our hearts.... We didn't know how long you would be with us and the past 18 months have been a roller coaster ride. I love you more & more each day.... I love to see you learn something new and are so proud of yourself! You are a funny lil man too! Always making Daddy & I laugh... I can't wait until I can share more about you to my family and friends. And I can't wait to be able to show your handsome lil face!

So, as you sleep tonight waiting for the Easter Bunny to make his stop at our house, know that I love you and I am grateful for having you in my life!

Love,
Mommy

bad, bad day.... [AKA: RIP Nemo!]

2011-04-11T20:24:00.004-04:00

RIP NEMO...

J the proud *daddy* looking @ his pride & joy the day we got him...

Today was a bad day. A very, very bad day..... The day started off rough as I couldn't find my keys when I was getting ready to walk out the door for work. My hubby & I looked & looked until we both HAD to leave for work.... All I could think about was where they could be. I used the valet key for my car then realized when I went to search my car AGAIN at work that the only way to get in my car is to have the key remote! So, called my hubby and my wonderful FIL brought me his key. My hubby got home first as I did some errands since I didn't have a key to get in the house until he got home... I am in the check out of the store and my phone rings... One of our 3 *precious* cats ATE J's fish! We usually keep his room door closed when we are gone but, I guess in our rush to look for keys and get out the door we forgot and one of the cats [we think it was our big boy Chase] decided to have a snack! We had to tell J when we got home and I promised to go get him a new one tomorrow right after work. I felt so bad. J did pretty good at taking the news [especially since we promised him a *new* Nemo].... He kept telling me all night-- *Mommy, I am not mad at you* *Mommy I am not going to punish you.* *Mommy, I still love you!* He was such a big boy! Nemo was a reward from J's caseworker for something she gave him to work on.... I feel so bad that his first real pet has perished so soon....

RIP Nemo! We love you! We will miss you!

Oh and by the way.... My keys-- the things that started this bad, bad day off.... They are at the grocery store... My hubby is on his way to go get them now..... After tearing the house, car and yes- trash apart... I finally called the store & they were there....

Ps. I am sorry I haven't blogged in a while but, life has been SUPER busy.... We had an important court date last week but, it was postponed until next month....

Operation Birthday Party 2011

2011-02-20T20:13:00.002-05:00

Spider-man was the theme this year!!

I saw this shirt on a blog I follow and *had* to have one for J's big day! Thanks Lisa for letting me know where you got yours! Everyone [including J] loved it!

Enjoying a swim at his birthday party!

Back @ home relaxing w/ his new DS game my friend gave him... He loves it!

We decided to have a *real* birthday party this year for J & some friends since we didn't get to do something like this last year for his birthday. Since he has a winter birthday I was trying to find something fun and different to do for him. A friend of mine suggested a pool party @ the Y. My hubby liked the idea and plans were set in motion... Due to 5-6 yr olds not being able to have a concept of time/days I decided to keep the details of J's party until 2 days prior. He was so excited when he found out he was having a pool party! The party went well. We swam first then headed to the party room for pizza, presents, pinata & cake [in that order per the birthday boy's request!]. Several kids & parents stated it was a fun time and one child told his Mom *it was the best party he had ever been too!* That made me feel good! I had a lot of help [thank goodness] and people just pitched in to help! J had a good day! I have to work tomorrow which is his actual birthday but, we partied up today!

Happy Birthday J! I love you & hope you had a great day!

Happy Valentines Day!!!

2011-02-14T21:09:00.003-05:00

This year's attempt to make my guys a special Valentine's Day themed breakfast!

Our 1st handmade Valentine from J [I don't remember getting one last year]

Today is Valentine's Day.... My hubby & I worked.... J was @ school.... My hubby & I spent our Valentine's Day evening getting our taxes done.... Plus side, it was nice and quiet in there b/c lets face it-- not many people are going to get their taxes done on the day of love.... For us, it was our only night *free* to get it done and we were anxious to see what was in store for us this year.... We were pleased so it turned out well! When we picked J up from my in-laws and came home we looked at his valentines he got at school today.... The valentine made w/ love pictured above fell out of his bag and he handed it to me and said 'It's for you & Daddy!'.... My hubby does a great job picking out cards that mean a lot to me but, I have to say this is one of my faves now too!

Happy Valentines's Day to all!

Ps. In 7 days J turns 6 yrs old!! We are hosting our first children's birthday party this Sunday! It's a pool party but, J doesn't know yet! I can't wait for him to find out!!! I hope I can get everything ready in time!!! I am procrastinating a bit! Pics will be posted as soon as I can!

2 year ago......

2011-01-28T22:16:00.002-05:00

2 years ago today I lost my friend.... 2 years has gone by and sometimes I still don't believe it's true.... 2 years since we said goodbye.... And I still really, really miss you! Sometimes I wonder what life would be like.... If that day you hadn't been taken away.... But, then I realize that you are never far away... You will always be in my heart.... and my thoughts....

I still think of and miss you everyday MK! I will never forget you!! xoxo

Monster Trucks 2011!

2011-01-28T22:06:00.003-05:00

Buddies!!! I love them!

Side by Side!

After jumping together!

Solo jumper

Mud Boggin'

I apologize for my absence.... I know I owe a Christmas update since it's been a while that I have posted anything.... I will try to do an end of 2010 recap sometime soon but, wanted to get these on too.

Last year my sis & I took J to the Circus. This year, my hubby & I decided to take him to see the Monster Trucks.... J has been looking forward to it all week.... And-- because we are still in *new* parent mode we decided to go on opening night.... When they start at J's bedtime.... He FELL ASLEEP after seeing the first couple of jumps! Yep..... Our lil man slept right through it..... I got some cute shots of him sleeping w/ his earmuffs on..... Everyone that walked by stared at him because I don't think they could believe it!

When we woke him up to come home.... J said he had a good time! We just laughed inside.... I guess he thought he saw it all!

J's Christmas Program 2010

2010-12-24T20:38:00.003-05:00

I attended J's Christmas program this past Tuesday. He is in this pic but, my camera is out dated and doesn't zoom very well.... I did get some close ups later in the program but, can't post them of course.... I was such a proud Mama! It was a great program and they recorded it so, I will have a copy to keep and show family members that couldn't attend.

T'was the night before Christmas.....

2010-12-24T20:29:00.003-05:00

I kept up my *tradition* I started last year and bought J *Christmas PJ's* to wear tonight... This was the only shot I got of him that I can post for now! He was super excited to be going to bed!

.....and all through the house the 5 1/2 yr old was asking to go to bed starting at 6:30pm..... He also warned the parents to go to bed early because if we were still awake then Santa wouldn't bring his presents....

I love seeing Christmas through a child's eyes again this year! I am probably just as excited to wake up tomorrow morning and see J's reaction to the stuff we got him for Christmas...

Merry Christmas to all & all a good night!

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree......

2010-12-05T21:05:00.003-05:00

Our *new* Christmas tree....

Spiderman-- I mean J helping decorate our tree!

The last several years I have always tried to put the Christmas tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving while my hubby is hunting.... But, our tree was a bit shabby last year and so my hubby *refused* to put it up again this year.... Someone from his work offered us their old tree and my hubby accepted it... After all, it was bigger than ours.... Well, it's bigger alright! And it was not pre-lit.... But, we had enough lights already and it wasn't too bad to put them on.... So, yesterday I had a special helper to decorate it-- SPIDERMAN! I thought it was cute and couldn't resist snapping some pics!

We went *Santa* shopping this week for J and except for a few little things, we have him done... Whew! Operation Santa Clause was a success! We got the Criss Cross Crash I mentioned in a previous post as well as a few other requested items and a Penguin Pillow Pet! I think J will be pleased on Christmas morning.....

Although I can't go into details let me tell you.... J is processing A LOT of stuff right now! Some of the things he has been saying [mostly good!] we are like: "What the.... How does he know that???" We try not to say too much around him or where he could possibly hear but, he is a smart boy and I think he just *knows*.... I am hoping the things we are hearing/seeing will be helpful in another couple months when we need it!

For now, we will just count down to Christmas..... 20 days!

Thanksgiving......

2010-11-25T17:19:00.003-05:00

J mixing the brownies after assisting me with counting and measuring the ingredients out...

J checking to see if the brownies are ready yet.....

J's adorable Turkey hat he made at school.....

Wearing his Turkey hat and playing @ my in-laws waiting for dinner....

Wow! Thanksgiving again? Sometimes I feel like we celebrate a holiday/birthday and before I can turn around again it's back again! Last year I hosted Thanksgiving.... This year my MIL offered to host.... My sis & Mom and their boyfriends came in town too.... I am thankful for my MIL hosting this year because I have to work tomorrow..... We did some cooking too and I am exhausted after doing those things this morning! We had a nice day....

I decided to make brownies for the non-pie dessert since I am not a pie person.... I decided to use it as a teachable moment for J and asked him if he wanted to help.... We did it *step by step*, he counted eggs, watched me measure the liquids, poured the ingredients in the bowl and helped stir it up... It was fun! He was proud of himself and beamed when I told our family that *he* made the brownies.....

Tonight when we got home my Mom's boyfriend called me to say how impressed he was with J's behavior this year and that my hubby & I have done a remarkable job with him this past year.... It was so nice to hear that because as I have said before being a foster parent [probably a parent in general too] is a thankless job and to have someone take time to point out that WE have made a difference in J's life was so nice..... It's been a tough year but, things are going very well right now and we are really starting to live as a family.....

So, now to what I am thankful for:

I am thankful for my husband-- we have had so many ups & downs in the 11/6 yrs we have been together/married and we are still together and strong.

I am thankful for J-- Seeing the progress he is making and hearing his sweet voice saying things like: 'Mommy, you're the best. You know why? Because you always take care of me!' or 'Mommy! I LOVE YOU!' He melts my heart.

I am thankful for my family-- we might not see each other too often but, they are always in my thoughts.....

I am thankful for my job-- I know there are so many out there without one that even on the *tough* days [which aren't very much but, you have them w/ all jobs!] I am thankful that I have one.

I am thankful for my friends-- I have real life friends, cyber friends, and foster care friends.... each one of them have a different role in my life and some days I don't know if I could make it through without them..... Some of my cyber friends whom I have never met in person are closer to me than my real life friends!

I am thankful for our men & women in the armed forces-- they risk their lives so that we may live the way we want too and many of them aren't with their families today and that is a sacrifice too....

Finally, I am thankful to you-- my blog readers.... I still don't know if I am very good at this but, reading your comments make me feel like what I write makes a difference!

I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Catching up....

2010-11-21T20:23:00.003-05:00

I am still here... Sorry I haven't blogged in a while.... Not much blog worthy going on right now.... Just busy w/ work, school [for J] and appointments.... Things are going really, really well right now... Each day I see J growing closer & closer to my hubby & I. He is really such a sweet boy... We got his school pictures a couple weeks ago & I really wish I could post them because they are A*D*O*R*A*B*L*E! We are gearing up for Thanksgiving. My MIL is hosting it this year so, I get to relax a bit this year....

Other than that, J & I attended the Adoption Day Celebration our local DSS hosted yesterday. It was nice to hear the inspiring stories of those who have already adopted. I hope that next year we will be one of the celebrated! J's sister's former foster parents were there and have just this week finalized the adoption of their infant.

We are looking forward to celebrating another Christmas w/ J in our lives too... He is already talking about the main thing Santa is going to bring him..... So, I think Santa needs to get on it so that he won't be disappointed.... This is all he talks about: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Hot-Wheels-Criss-Cross-Crash-Track-Set/14689690 even sings the song all the time... So, we need to get it so we are not scrambling at the last minute.... It's going to be fun again shopping and preparing for him! I can't wait! I am going to decorate again this year w/ J while DH is out hunting.... I think it will be J & I 's tradition to decorate together the weekend after Thanksgiving!

Our 2nd Halloween together......

2010-10-31T20:34:00.002-04:00

J's 3rd costume of the weekend! Dark Knight Batman!

The Jack-o-lantern J designed all by himself [but, I carved it and I am not a good carver!]

Trick or Treat!

Handing out candy after he was done his trick or treating!

Today was our 2nd Halloween with J in our home.... Wow! Now instead of all firsts we are starting our seconds with him! As I stated in an earlier post the *original* costume of Spiderman ended up being a little snug on him so, we went and got a new one and I think it's just as cute as the other one! He loves to dress up as his super heroes so, they will get much use I know so, I didn't mind! He got tired out easily [probably doesn't help that our neighborhood doesn't have a lot of participation so, you have to walk several houses to get one or two that have their light on....] So, when he was done we went home where he helped give out the treats! Such a big boy!

Hope everyone had a very HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Itsy Bitchy Spider & YMCA Halloween Party!

2010-10-29T21:56:00.003-04:00

Today was J's school's *costume event*.... His school encourages his age group to wear a *homemade* nursery rhyme/storybook character costume. They do a parade around the school, Trick or Treat in the elementary school & wave to cars passing by from the front lawn... I am not a crafty person and talked to one of the teachers at the school [who is a friend of mine too from when I worked at this same daycare/school 9 yrs ago] and she suggested making an 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' costume... I looked up the directions and it seemed easy enough... So, we talked to J about it and decided to do it..... Yesterday when I picked him up J's teacher told me he told someone he was going to be the 'Itsy Bitchy Spider' by mistake-- Oops! We practiced and now he can say it right... But, it is a cute story to tell! He was a cute little Itsy Bitchy-- I mean Bitsy Spider if I do say so myself!

Ready for the YMCA Halloween party!

He loved Pumpkin Bowling!

He also loved the bouncy and sliding down the slide!

Craft time w/ Aunt Kerri!

Tonight we went to the YMCA Halloween party.... It was fun w/ several activities for the kids to do and lots of treats to take home! My sister was in town so she came with us and got to spend time with J. She moved away to go to Graduate school and although she is only 2 1/2 hrs away we haven't been able to go up and see her yet but, she has been back a couple times to visit...

When I bought J's costume 3 weeks ago, it fit perfect but, now, it was a little small on him... But, he still wanted to wear it... It got ripped during tonight's festivities and I am not sure if it's fixable so, I went out tonight to get him another one... Something different but, I will keep it a surprise until tomorrow or Halloween....

*****Ps. This is my 100th post! Wow! It's been a little over 2 yrs since I started this and finally got to 100! Thanks for following my story!******

A change in plans....

2010-10-27T21:42:00.002-04:00

We went back to court today and I was super nervous that something was going to go wrong like last week.... Court proceeded and all the lawyers questioned our caseworker making their arguments.... For a few minutes I thought BM's lawyer was going to get more time but, in the end the judge granted a *change in plan* for all 3 children. It's still a long process to get through but, within the next 30 days a TPR petition will be filed. Then 30-60 days after that, a TPR hearing will be done. If TPR is granted then we go back to court in April when DSS has guardianship of the children and then adoptions can be set..... So, still looks like 6 mos or more before any finalization will happen but, it's another step up from where we were a week ago!

My emotions ran high today as I had to hold my self together when the caseworker stated she received a message from BM after last weeks court date basically sounding like she is giving up.... My heart really went out to her because I think she finally realizes it's best for the children... Maybe now she can concentrate on the newborn who she still has in her care.... I hope for her sake she does! Then I was filled with pride as the caseworker spoke about J and how well he is doing in our home because of us and how we are doing everything possible to help him.... Sometimes being a foster parent is a hard and thankless job but, to hear someone speak of you in that setting in front of all those important people-- it really makes you feel good! Finally I was filled with relief. Relief that this day actually came and now we have a new goal in our sights... Real relief will come when things are finalized but, for now I can relax and enjoy a bit more!

My hubby & I went to get J from school together and then we went out to dinner. J doesn't know what is going on right now but, for my hubby & I it was our *secret* little celebration dinner....

I know that the process is long and that anything can still happen but, we took another step in our lives today... even if for now it was a *baby step* in the end, it's an important step!

Making more Autumn memories.....

2010-10-24T21:16:00.004-04:00

"How big am I this year?"

Picking the *biggest* pumpkin!

Hitching a ride w/ our pumpkins!

Last year the day after J was placed with us, we took him to a local farm to do the play area/mazes and pick pumpkins.... We didn't know how long he would be with us but, I wanted him to have some fun memories of us.... I wanted to take him back to the same farm this year-- exactly a year since the last trip... And for as long as he is with us, I will make it our annual tradition.... He remembered it when we pulled up and seemed happy to be coming back.... We did the mazes, climbed on hay stacks, and other play area activities.... Then we each picked our pumpkin... Of course J had to pick the *biggest* pumpkin! It was a nice time... I took a pic of him by the measuring thing again and want to compare them to see how much he has grown.... I still can't believe it's been a year....

We go back to court this Wednesday and I am hoping for more this time than a postponement! 3 more days.....

1 year......

2010-10-23T19:59:00.005-04:00

A year ago tonight J came into our home, lives and heart.... At the beginning of the day we were a childless couple and by the evening we were instant [foster] parents to a 4 1/2 yr old boy.

I remember that evening like it was yesterday.... I was driving home from work and my cell phone rang. The number was the DSS main number.... My stomach went crazy! We were done our licensing so, why would they be calling ME on a Friday @ 4:10pm? I had just turned onto our street when it rang and answered. It was the resource worker supervisor. After giving me the info and asking a few questions I called my hubby.... We quickly chatted/decided that sure we could keep him for the weekend..... We had a few things to prepare around the house and I got to work immediately [making the bed w/ fresh sheets, etc...]. My hubby got home and we anxiously waited. We weren't sure what time they would be here.... A little before 7pm the caseworker called. She was on our street. I went outside to wait for them. When they pulled up a shy, adorable little boy came out. The caseworker introduced me to him and we went into the house to give him the tour. She gave us some more info about him and a car seat then left. We were on our own. I remember he came with just a few items of clothes and 2 little toys... Now if you look in his room you would never believe that to be true! My hubby had to run out that night while I got J settled in with a bath and snack to get a tooth brush, juice and cereal.... It was an exciting night. I don't even think my hubby & I ate dinner that night we were so nervous.... What a difference a year makes!

We have been through a whole year of firsts-- first holiday's, birthdays, anniversaries, ups & downs.... It's amazing that sometimes it seems like J has been here just a few weeks and others it seems like he has *always* been here....

We didn't make a *big deal* about today because I was afraid it might make J sad and miss his *real* family [his words] even more than I know he does. We had a good day though... We hung out in our PJ's this morning and then had a lazy afternoon at home... My hubby made us our favorite dinner tonight Steak, hand cut FF & steamed shrimp.... It was just a *family relax day* @ our house... We are planning to take J to the pumpkin patch we took him to a year ago tomorrow.... I want to take pics and compare them from last yr to this year... If he stays I want to make it our little family tradition since it was the first place we took him!

I don't know exactly what the next year holds for us but, for now J is our little boy and we love him very much..... My life will never be the same no matter what happens to our little family in the future.... And my heart melts whenever J asks: "Do you love me?" "Do you ALWAYS love me?" or "You are the BEST Mommy!"

I love you Little Monkey! I am so glad you came into my life!

Field trip to the pumpkin patch/farm!

2010-10-22T21:16:00.004-04:00

J & a classmate trying to figure out the answer to the question to find out which way to go!

J feeding a goat!

Looking for the *perfect* pumpkin.....

J decorating his very own pumpkin!

Today I had my first experience of being a Mommy accompanying her child on a field trip. J's class went to a local farm today.... Other than being a bit windy/cool it was a BEAUTIFUL Fall day for the trip! Our group did the hay ride first around the farm and learned some interesting facts. Then we did the corn maze, hay maze, fed goats & saw a big bull. Then they took the children to the pumpkin patch and they all got to pick their own! They had to get one that the child could carry by themselves with no parents helping. J looked hard and finally found his perfect pumpkin. Then we went into the greenhouse where they let the children decorate their pumpkins with puffy sticker shapes. It was a fun and educational morning!

After J got back on the bus to go back to school I met my hubby for lunch then ran errands until it was time to pick J up from school for the day. It was a fun but, exhausting day! I loved it! I told J I would be meeting them there but, to have him run off the bus into my arms and say 'I knew you would come Mommy!' melted my heart! I can't wait until the next field trip!

Tomorrow is the *big* day... 1 yr! Can't believe it!

What a day....

2010-10-20T21:16:00.002-04:00

Today was a busy mixed up day.... First, let me share with you a song a fellow foster parent shared with me today-- grab a tissue first! Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLjwczYafVE [I have never did a link in my post so I hope it works!] After the past few days I really, really needed to hear this song tonight! Hope you enjoy it too!

We had to have a meeting w/ J's new school because he has been having some issues again and they wanted to meet and discuss ideas with us.... I think it went well and we have somethings to try to work on but, hopefully we can get him back on track again....

Today we also had court for J's case. All 3 foster families showed up and we chatted as we waited. There were not many cases on for today and about 1 hr later we were called in. Due to a technicality the did a postponement until next Wednesday. So, we wait again [I keep telling myself to feel lucky that it's only a week and not weeks or months] to see what will happen next week.... UGH! My stomach will be in knots for another few days but, hopefully we will get some answers next week.

The plus side of today is my hubby & I did enjoy a nice lunch together in between the school meeting and court.... We got a little much needed *adult* time -- even if we did have other things in the back of our minds such as how would court go.....

October again.....

2010-10-04T21:42:00.004-04:00

J sure does love sandboxes-- especially ones with the claw type toy attached!

Taking a spin!

An awesome [if I may say so myself] in-the-air shot of J shooting hoops!

11 years ago next month I met my hubby.... We were connected from the begining..... The month of November has never been the same ever since.... For 11 years November has meant another year that my hubby & I have been together....

6 years ago next month I married my best friend.... 5 years & 2 days after meeting him..... Again, November took on a new meaning..... Each November we celebrate the month we met & married....

1 yr ago right now we were newly licensed foster parents and wondering when we would get *the call*. I would get excited nerves each time the phone would ring hoping it was *the call* on the other end....

In 19 days, we will celebrate the 1 year anniversary of when J came into our lives.... we got the call a little after 4pm, made a decision to have him stay *for the weekend-- maybe a little longer* and by 6:45pm he was walking into our house and our lives.....

Wow! I can't believe it's almost been a year since J came to stay with us.... We go to court on the 20th and 3 days later will celebrate J being here 1 yr....

Maybe, just maybe the month of October may never be the same.......

****Above some pics of J playing on the playground while he & I enjoyed the beautiful Fall day we had this past Saturday. We stopped by a car show that my hubby was at w/ our Nova and of course we couldn't leave w/o making a visit to the playground! By the way-- our Nova won 2 prizes this day! The Sponsors Choice [the big award!] and one of the several Participants Choice awards! Congrats Babe!****

What a difference a year makes.....

2010-09-22T21:39:00.002-04:00

Today is my hubby's birthday.... A year ago today we received an envelope in the mail... Our official foster care license..... Now, we have a 5 yr old foster son that has been with us for 11 mos [tomorrow] and he was supposed to be here for *the weekend*. In less than a month we will have our next permanency review hearing for J and 3 days later he will be in our life a full year....

What a difference a year makes huh? Wonder where the 3 of us will be next year at this time.....

Family Reunion......

2010-09-11T20:54:00.002-04:00

Today was our annual family reunion for my husband's mother's side of the family... We try to go every year.... It's at a state park not too far from us and we always get tables near the huge pond there. It's pretty nice.... Last year it was humid and threatening to rain so, we rushed everything to beat the weather.... Today it was BEAUTIFUL! not hot, not humid and definitely no rain in the forecast [until later tonight into tomorrow]..... Everyone except our immediate family [me, hubby, MIL, FIL & my sis] hadn't met J yet so, I knew they would all be anxious to meet him. I gave him a few minutes to play on the playground then we walked over and introduced him.... As usual he was shy at first but, warmed up to some of my hubby's aunts pretty quickly [especially the one who showed him the games we would be playing so he could win a prize!].... J & I bounced between the reunion area, pond and playground.... It was a nice afternoon! J, my hubby & I all won games so we each walked away w/ a prize!

We finally took some pics of the 3 of us [I don't think we have ever taken one like that since J has been with us-- I have plenty of J himself and a couple of J & I but, none of all 3 of us].... They turned out well [we used the pond as our backdrop] and I really wish I could show them to you.... I am thinking about getting the best one blown up and framed for our house and maybe get one framed for my sister because she has moved back to where we used to live to finish college.... We did take one of all 3 of us facing the pond but, after seeing myself in it, I decided not to publish it!

Oh yeah, and I was voted *vice president* of the reunion for 2011! I was shocked that they would elect someone related by marriage but, also very touched that they thought of me for that.... I will have to be *president* in 2012 that's how their group works! So, in 2011 I will be President of my local AAPC [American Academy of Professional Coders] chapter & VP of the _______ family reunion! What other title will I achieve next year??? I guess only time will tell!

Reconsideration.....

2010-09-10T19:58:00.002-04:00

A year ago this month my husband & I became *official* foster parents-- Yes, I said a year ago! Wow! What a year it has been! About a month ago we received our *reconsideration* packet in the mail.... It resembled the stack of paperwork we filled out last year to become licensed and now almost all of it had to be filled out yet again! Today we met with our case worker and did our reconsideration interview and inspection-- AKA: Home Health Report [just incase our house got sick in the past year I guess!]. Overall it went well.... We had to answer questions such as how has the past year been, how is our relationship with each other, how has our lives changed since becoming foster parents, what challenges/positives have we faced in the past year, etc. They were not too hard to answer but, some made me stop and think. It went well. Our year anniversary of being foster parents is next Friday Sept 17th [my lil sis's b-day & we received the license in the mail on my hubby's b-day last year]. We still have the fire marshall inspection to get done but, she said he is very busy and she will re-issue our license w/ a condition that the inspection gets done as soon as possible. I can't believe it's been a year already! And next month, we will celebrate 1 yr having J in our lives.....

Wow! A year already! What a year it's been!

First Day of 2010-2011 School Year!

2010-09-07T20:49:00.003-04:00

J's lunchbox and bookbag theme for the new school year!

Looking all handsome in his uniform-- checking out his lunch for the day!

All ready to go to school!

Walking into school on his first day of *real* school for 2010-2011

A few weeks ago DSS suggested we send J to private school this year.... Smaller classes and a more nurturing environment.... We agreed. I worked at the private school they suggested about 8 1/2 yrs ago [I was there for about 3 yrs before I left].... So, I felt ok because I knew the school and about 1/2 of the staff. So, we have been sending him the last couple weeks and worked him up to a whole day last week. They were ending summer camp so, it wasn't very structured but, he would get to know his teacher and some classmates before *real* school started. Today was the first day of *real* school... He was so handsome & cute in his uniform.... They are putting him in K4 again to make sure he gets his basics down since he was *uninvited* the last few months in public school Pre-K. For K4 they can wear khaki or navy bottoms and white top. He chose navy bottoms today.... His first day went good. He had a little incident at the end of the day but, overall it was good!

One day down and 179 to go [I think they still do 180 school day years right???]

More Summertime Fun-- Water Park!

2010-08-28T21:05:00.004-04:00

Meeting the *statue* of the guy the park is named after....

J & his sister (and a few other kids) climbing the stairs to get on the slide

Yep! That's J in that big splash!

Climbing out so he could go back on it again (and again, and again!)

A few weeks ago, J's sister's foster parents invited us to go with them to their company picnic today. It was at a local water park. To be honest, I have lived here for 11 yrs and never have been here before... It's nice but, I am afraid of heights so, not very exciting to me since most things are BIG, TALL slides.... I did enjoy the wave pool (kinda as J had a tight grip on me) and walked the kids around the lazy river a few times (they didn't want to float themselves so, I had to *push* them around... No so lazy for me! Then we went to the *kiddie* pool where they could play and go down a slide themselves.... There is where I relaxed! We could just let them loose and kick back! They had fun but, J got tired out easily and wanted to go home, so we did... It was fun (especially since it was free for us too!) and I am glad we went.... He fell asleep really quick tonight and it really tired him out! I got some really cute pics of J & his sister coming down the slide but, can't show them b/c their faces are in them.... Trust me though-- I did a great job catching them in mid-slide! I am going to print the ones out of his sister and give them to her and her foster parents.

This past Monday (August 23rd) was the 10 mo *anniversary* of J coming to stay with us. Last week I was one of 3 foster parents on a panel for the newbies in our county who are finishing their PRIDE classes. I was a bit nervous and didn't think I had much to contribute but, the case workers that run the class know our lil guy and situation and guided me on some topics and how much I could or couldn't say.... The newbies had lots of questions for me... Afterward I felt really, really good! I told them the good, the bad & the ugly.... I told them my story of how J was supposed to be with us *for a weekend* and has now been here 10 mos and as of now no end in sight...

Less than 2 mos til we go to court again.... I am anxious to see what happens then... When we go to court we will be 3 days away from our 1 yr anniversary w/ J in our lives.....

Time flies.....

Missing MK.....

2010-08-21T22:39:00.002-04:00

I went to your house tonight... It's the same house but, it's not the same.... I miss you so much and thought I could do it and although I did make it through; I couldn't help but really, really miss you....

*She* is nice but, she is not my dear friend.... I try to make small talk but, inside my head all I have are thoughts of you.....

I wonder what kind of advice or guidance you would give me with my lil guy and our situation.... You loved kids so much and I know he would've loved to meet you..... I miss our talks, our laughs and playing games....

Sometimes still I think you will call or stop by... Then I remember the only way I can see you now is to think of you or look at your picture......

It's been almost 19 mos since you left us but, sometimes it still feels like yesterday that I found out my dear friend was gone....

You will always be in my thoughts, in my memory-- in my heart.... I miss you so much!

****** I know this blog is about my TTC/Adoption journey but, thank you for letting me remember MK from time to time to get my thoughts out-- tonight has just been a hard night!*****

More Summer Fun..... Carnival!

2010-08-07T22:22:00.003-04:00

J & his sister on the carousel

My future firefighter driving his engine!

End of the night treats-- ice cream and a Cars balloon!

Tonight we met J's sister and her foster parents at the local carnival. It was a pretty good night.... I now wonder why they don't open until 7pm when it's almost the little ones bed time! We had to end the night *early* because it was past both their bed times and they were a little grumpy.... It would be nice (at least one night a week) if the carnival would open a little early so the lil ones could have a good time without being sleepy....

But, it was nice to spend time with them and let the J and his sister have some time together too.

Pool Party!

2010-07-31T20:43:00.003-04:00

J testing out the waters @ our friend's pool....

On the diving board....

Getting ready to jump!

Relaxing on the float.....

Today we attended the first pool party at our friend's new house.... I already knew J loved pools since he asks daily to go to the Y so we can swim.... I try to take him as much as I can because it's something we both enjoy.... We had a great day! This pool has a good shallow end so, J could stand up in it and didn't need his floaty.... Usually it's just J & I at the Y pool and I have to be in there with him, so this is the first time I got pics to share of him enjoying the pool.... My hubby who isn't a pool person even got in and joined us.... It was so much fun enjoying this day as a *family*.... We have this group of friends who would always get together and hang out but, we all have children and the get togethers are not as often but, it was nice to see very one (there were a few families not in attendance) and enjoy a family activity/day... It was the first time J met most of these friends and everyone complimented him on how well he was!

Speaking of that, J has had 3 wonderful weeks with us! It has been so fun getting to enjoy him more and not having the tantrums or angry times.... He is such a fun, loving and funny lil man!

I am exhausted because it's been a long, but, wonderful day! I love this little boy and I love my *family*......

J starts Kindergarten in a few weeks and I am excited to start preparing for that! Wow, where is the summer going????

5

2010-07-26T21:30:00.003-04:00

5 years ago this month my hubby and I made a decision.... No more birth control-- Lets start our family..... 5 years of hope, frustration, sadness, diagnoses, procedures, doctor appts, classes, interviews, inspections.... All in the hopes of creating a family.....

My hubby and I were together 5 yrs and 2 days before we got married... I always joke that he was on the *5 yr plan* with our relationship..... We are foster parents.... we have a foster son.... Will our 5th yr of trying to build our family bring us the *forever* child we long for so much? Guess we will just have to see.....

J was 5 months old when we made our decision to try to have our family... I have always loved the numbers 11 & 13 because they are numbers very important to my hubby and I's relationship (met on 11/11/99, engaged on 10/13/03 & married on 11/13/04) but, I might just start having to love the number 5.....

Wow! 5 years!

9 months.....

2010-07-23T14:31:00.002-04:00

9 months ago today J came to live with us.... We were going to keep him for a *weekend*.... This has been the longest weekend I have ever had!

Things have been going very well with J lately.... 3 months til we go to court again and I am anxiously wondering what will happen then.....

I can't believe it's been 9 months already...... Time flies so much faster now with a child in our life.....

J's new wheels.....

2010-07-19T21:09:00.004-04:00

J trying out his new *ride*

Taking a break to make some adjustments....

And he's off!

We got J a bike today... We have been thinking about it for a while and decided to finally get it.... We took him tonight after work/daycare.... He loves it! He rode around the block while I walked with him..... I can tell I will be getting a lot of exercise! [trust me I need it too!] Nothing like a 5 yr old to motivate you!

J had his 5 yr well check last week... He is a *well 5 yr toddler* [that is what his form said that I have to get filled out for DSS when we visit the Dr]... I lucked out and J was all up to date on his shots so, we didn't have to go through that trauma!

J has been doing well the past couple of weeks.... He is back to being his funny, cute & loving self... He has been calling us Mommy & Daddy more... But, he still goes back and forth.... He is definitely settling in again.... Friday will be 9 mos J has been with us.... I can't believe it! Tomorrow is a year since I started my job.... I tell ya having a child in the house makes time fly by so fast and I thought time flew before!

We will soon be getting ready for our re-certification for Foster Care. I realized we were short 2 CEU's and called the resource worker to see what trainings are being offered to get them in before September.... As luck would have it, there are none coming up.... But, she did ask me to come to the last PRIDE class next month and be part of the panel of current/former foster/adoptive parents to speak to/ answer questions to the newbies..... I get credit for that and will get all the CEUs needed.... Plus, I think it will be a fun experience! Wow! I can't believe we have been licensed for 10 mos and will soon be celebrating a year being Foster Parents!

Although J loves his new bike, we did have 2 *accidents* while on our trip around the block... J wanted to throw the helmet away but, I told him we can try again tomorrow! So, we will see how that goes.....

Toy Story 3 and 4th of July......

2010-07-04T22:09:00.003-04:00

J checking out the Toy Story 3 poster outside the theater...

Not a very good shot of the fireworks..... I tried!

Today is the 4th of July... We didn't have anything planned and since the pool was closed today I was trying to figure out what I could do with J. I decided to take him to the movies to see Toy Story 3. He has watched my copy of Toy Story 2 a couple times and liked it so, I was pretty sure he would like to see this too. I didn't think he had ever been to the theater before. I went over the rules-- be quiet, stay in your seat.... He did pretty well.... He cracked some people around us up when after a preview for a movie that he didn't particularly like he exclaimed 'BORING!'... There were a few chuckles... I reminded him that when the movie comes on he can't say things like that. He enjoyed the movie and thought it was 'AMAZING!'

Tonight we went to my in-laws house to watch the fireworks. They live across the field from where they set them off so, we sat on their front porch and watched them.. They have a good view.

The in between was rough... J had a couple tantrums.... It's been an on and off rough weekend with him having meltdowns for no real reason.... I was notified on Friday there is a FIM (family involvement meeting) planned for Tues afternoon and I am going to see if my boss will let me off for it.... I didn't get too much info on it but, it's for all the kids.... Wondering what is going on..... I am exhausted and getting ready to head to bed.....

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Another year older......

2010-06-30T17:06:00.002-04:00

Today is my 34th birthday.... Every year I tell myself: 'By my next birthday maybe I will be a Mommy' I am a little closer this year-- a Foster Mom. J still goes back and forth with calling me Mommy but, in his heart I am not his Mommy.... I just play one on TV (ha ha-- couldn't resist!)

So, I am another year older.... Not too much going on here... I do have a cute story to tell. My Mom and her boyfriend are in town this week. They were over our house for dinner on Monday night. We celebrated my birthday then because we were not sure who would be available on my actual birthday. My Dad is deceased and J knows this but, sometimes asks questions when my family is around. Here is the conversation that night:

J: Is Mr. M your Daddy?

Mr. M: No, I am not

Me: Mr. M is kinda like Mr. T & I are to you-- a substitute Dad

J: No, Mr. T is my FOSTER DAD and you are my FOSTER MOM!

It's just cute how he uses those words sometimes because I don't know he understands them but, hears us saying them and needs to know the difference in his little mind. It was cute anyway but, might be one of those 'had to be there' type of things.....

Off to have pizza night for my birthday with my family!

Father's Day at the river......

2010-06-20T20:04:00.003-04:00

J letting the fish *kiss* his fingers....

First time on the pier and ready to fish!

Fishin'

*We* caught one!

worked up an appetite now lets eat some crabs!

Several years ago my husband's family started a tradition of spending Father's Day at his Godparents house on the river. His brother's family from PA comes down and it's a nice day with family. This year we had a *new addition* to our group. I have to admit, I was very nervous about how J would react to several people around that he didn't know well or at all... He usually doesn't do well under those types of situations.... But, J did really well! I am so proud of him!!! It was another nice (but very HOT) day with family and I am so glad J got to enjoy it with us..... Sometimes fishing off that pier can be hit or miss... Last year was good and I caught the first and the most fish!! This year J got *bored* fast with not catching any fish and asked me to *help* him which meant-- I catch the fish and *we* take the credit for it! So, sure enough we did catch a fish (the first and only of the day) and J was so proud! He loved the crabs and sat patiently so we could pick some for him.... Overall it was a great day....

We lost a member of our group this year. My hubby's Godmother passed away in March and I couldn't help but think of her today and how everyone there was missing her even though most didn't say much-- I know we were all thinking about her.... We miss you Janie!

As with Mother's Day we didn't really push it too much so J didn't start missing his family but, he did wish my hubby a "Happy Daddy's Day!" out of the blue and on his own! He loves my hubby so much and is always saying how they are *best buddies*.... I came home from a baby shower a couple weeks ago and J was sitting on his lap in the recliner and it was such a sweet moment to come home too....

J doing good... He had a rough week after seeing his family last time a couple weeks ago but, is back on track now. I reported it to DSS and don't know what will happen in the future... J has been more *loving* to us and is really starting to trust us now... He still talks about his family all the time but, he is starting to love us too! I can't believe in 2 days he has been here for 8 months! Wow! Time flies so fast now even more than before!

Graduation Day Blues......

2010-06-15T19:33:00.003-04:00

Today was Pre-K graduation at J's *former* school..... I am a bit sad that we didn't get to celebrate J's transition into Kindergarten since he was *uninvited* to school back in April we weren't included.... So, today I have a little case of Pre-K graduation day blues.... I have seen several friends post on FB about their little ones graduation ceremonies and wish I had a story to tell too (although I do not mention much on FB-- but I could share them here if I had them!) .... They are shedding tears of joy and I am close to shedding tears of sadness that J doesn't know what he is *missing out* on.... A day to celebrate him and his accomplishments! He would've been a cute lil graduate too!

It doesn't help that the day started out with J having a meltdown and refusing to go to daycare when he had to go.... But, things are better tonight..... but, it's been pretty much a *chutes* type of day...

Summer time fun!

2010-06-13T16:01:00.002-04:00

I love pools.... Anytime I get a chance to go in one--I am there! Sometimes I even sweet talk my hubby into staying in a hotel with one when we go away just so I can swim a little! One time when we were up PA visiting my BIL and his family in November we stayed in a Hampton Inn and my niece and I were swimming in the inside pool while it was snowing outside.... That was awesome!

My hubby and I got a YMCA membership last year but, between his health issues last year and being so busy adjusting to a 4/5 yr old we haven't used it much... I was trying to decide if it was worth keeping or not. I called a few weeks ago and asked about adding J to my membership and after about 10 questions (what type of membership did I have, how many kids do I have on it now, how long has J been with us, how long is he going to be with us.... etc) the membership lady said she would let me add him on..... I think she wanted to make sure I didn't already have 10 kids on my membership and trying to add another one.... I still didn't find time to do it.... But, yesterday I wanted to see how J would do in the pool. So, I took him there and was going to pay for a day pass to let him check it out.... I was lucky the girl working the counter let me have a *freebie* but, suggested I add J on soon..... We had such a fun time! J was scared at first and clinging on to me but, after a while he got the hang of it and didn't *need* me as much.... So, today I took him back... I think J and I will be spending a lot of time there this summer! He is now added to my account and since we both enjoy it, I think I have a pool buddy for the summer! We had a blast today too and he started getting more & more independent the more we were in there.... I don't have any pics to share because since we went by ourselves I didn't want to chance the camera getting wet..... But, trust me it was GREAT! We have been having a rough time again since J's visits with his family haven't been very consistent lately and it's been hard on him which makes it hard on us.... but, having fun days like yesterday and today make it tolerable!

Yesterday while we were in the pool we saw some of J's cousins... They just happened to be there... He talks about these cousins all the time and I think it was nice for him to be able to see them and hang out with them... I did feel bad for J at one point but, I don't think he even noticed. J asked his one cousin: "N did you miss me?" to which N responded-- "I actually forgot about you...." My heart sank but, I don't think J even heard what he said which was a good thing! But, we got to see them again today when they were there for a little while. They all were very nice to me which I was glad of because at first I thought they may question me which would make me feel uncomfortable but, they didn't!

One last *story* and then i have to go.... Today J made a *friend* and they were playing in the pool. I didn't ask him how old he was but, I would say probably 8-10 years old. At one point the little boy asked J 'Is this your Mommy?' J didn't answer so he turned to me and said "Are you his Mommy?". I simply answered "Yes" and J piped up and said "No, she is my FOSTER MOM!" And I said "It's kinda the same thing J" and the little boy said "Yes, as long as she loves you it's the same thing".... Melted my heart! I know J doesn't look at me as his *Mommy* because he has a Mommy (sometimes he does call me that but, it soon passes) but, it was so sweet to hear a *stranger* say that.....

A day at the beach!

2010-05-23T20:32:00.004-04:00

J leading the way to the beach & carrying his beach toys!

Ummm.... not too sure about the water at first!

The Scopes guy trying to talk J into getting his picture taken...

Finally in the water.... It was cold though!

Working hard on his sand castle (and decorating it w/ sea shells)

We live 30 miles away from a pretty popular resort/beach town.... Every year they have a Sprin and Fall car 'cruise in'.... My hubby go down each time they have it.... Friday night J & I met my hubby down there after work and hung out. We grabbed a bite to eat with our good friends and looked at cars.... Yesterday, I decided since it was going to be nice but, not too hot to take J to the beach during the day.... He loved it and wanted to know if we could come back 'tomorrow'.... He wasn't too sure about the water at first but, then he loved it... We didn't venture out too far but, he had fun being in it! He played in the sand and just enjoyed the whole thing...

When we were done at the beach we met my hubby and watched more classic/muscle cars drive up and down the strip. J loved seeing all the 'race cars'.... J made friends with 2 boys who were sitting next to us and then some more of our friends came with their daughter and son and J became friends with them... They played so nice together! He wanted to see them again today but, we didn't get a chance..... It was a nice day!

While we were at the beach, one of those Scopes guys tried to get J to let him take his picture but, J didn't want too... When they guy came back by us J stopped him and let him take some pics.... I got a really cute one of J! I only wish I could show it on here b/c it is really adorable!

Today we just hung out at home getting things done and being lazy... We all had a late night last night and were pretty tired.....

Mother's Day 2010 (a little late.....)

2010-05-23T20:23:00.003-04:00

Having fun w/ 'cousin' Rachel!

Climbing.... He likes to climb!

Climbing again!

Mother's Day gift from my Sister-in-law

This year for Mother's Day my In-laws, hubby, J and I took a day trip to PA to see my Brother-in-law and his family. It's a 3 hr drive each way and this was our first time traveling this type of distance with J. He did very well! We set him up in the back of our SUV with the DVD player, and toys....

My neice and nephew are teenagers so, he didn't really have anyone to play with but, my neice did go with us to a playground not too far from where they live and he got to play. It was a bit chilly out but, he loved having the playground to himself!

My Sister-in-law surprised me by giving me a gift similar to the one she gave my MIL. It's pictured above.... It was very sweet of her!

J slept most of the way back and overall it was a nice day... It was the first time since I have been in the family (almost 11 yrs now) that we have all spent Mother's Day together.... It was nice to be with everyone even for a little while!

Permanency Review Hearing......

2010-05-12T22:14:00.004-04:00

Today my hubby and I attended our first 'Permanency Review Hearing' as foster parents.... It was interesting.... Due to confidentiality of course I can't disclose details but, what I can say is the Judge was a no nonsense type of guy.... He acknowledged us twice (we were the only ones for the 3 foster families in attendance) and thanked us for taking a 'troubled' child into our home.... It was nice to be 'recognized'..... It was also interesting watching and hearing everyone.... There were 3 lawyers-- One for the agency, One for the kids & One for bio parents. They all took turns 'grilling' the case worker who did quite well I thought. I learned our 'new' case worker has only been with the agency since Dec 09 and she told me this afternoon during our home visit that it was her first time really testifying....

So, the long and short of it is, we go back in 5 months and see what happens then.....

5 years ago today.....

2010-05-06T23:06:00.003-04:00

This is what my sister and J gave me as an early Mother's Day gift today... Perfect!

5 years ago this week I made a choice.... I quit smoking. I wanted to quit smoking before we started TTC so that I would not be one of those ladies you see visably pregnant and smoking... I didn't want my child to learn that smoking is bad for you in school and question me why I still do it..... 5 years ago I made a choice that I needed to for me but, my motivation was for my future... The future I have not reached yet..... I do feel a lot better than when I was a smoker... I am not going to lie-- sometimes I think about starting again when things get stressful and I need a release.... But, then I think about how hard it was to stop (and I had help w/ medicine but, I still did it!) and how many times I *tried* to quit before then and failed.... Sometimes though, I *forget* I was a smoker.... Tonight I saw a commercial about quitting smoking and I *remembered* that I used to be there.... 5 years ago that was me struggling with my addiction... But, now 5 years later I am still smoke free!

Above is a picture of a Angel's Embrace Willow Tree figurine one like my sister gave me from her & J today as an early Mother's Day gift.... It was so sweet and perfect for my life right now..... Thank you K & J! I love you both so much!

They call me Spider.....

2010-05-05T19:11:00.002-04:00

J investigating a family of Geese before our FC brunch

Trying to see how close he can really get!

They got tired of us following them all around so they jumped in the water and swam away!

Last Saturday was our Foster Parent Brunch our county hosted for us.... It was nice.... We did a simulation project that showed us some of the obstacles bio parents face and made us more aware of what they go through.... It was a very good excercise! J did well too... He got to see his older sister because her foster family was there too so that was a nice surprise for both of them.... It had been about 2 weeks since they had seen each other.... They gave each family a nice Foster Care month pin... I tried to take a pic so I could upload it but, it kept coming out fuzzy so, I decided not to post it... It is a pretty pretty medium/teal blue ribbon with a pin that says:

'Foster Care change a lifetime National Foster Care Month'

We also met some new foster families we had never met before and saw a couple friends that were in our class.... It was very nice overall!

Now onto the title of this entry.... Last night while I was cleaning up dinner my hubby went outside with J so he could play in his sandbox. I looked out the window and saw J standing outside the box talking away and my hubby was over by the garage.... I didn't open the window to see what they were discussing.... While I was reading J his books before bed, he told me his name was now 'Spider'.... I asked him if I had a new name too and he said 'Yes, you're name is 'Tato Head'... I asked if my hubby had a new name and he said 'Yes, he is 'Napkin'..... So, when my hubby came in to tell J good night we told him our new names.... Later after J was asleep my hubby and i were discussing our new names and he said 'I don't know why he is calling himself Spider, he was scared of them and barely played in his sandbox.....' We both had a laugh because J tries to act tough but, we found out what makes him not so tough!

We are still Spider, Tato Head & Napkin-- my name makes me think of a Ron White comedy skit.......

Mr. Sandman......

2010-04-30T21:09:00.003-04:00

J enjoying his new sandbox!

Creating!

Our sand castle village!

Good night Mr. Turtle... We will be back tomorrow!

My hubby and I got J a sandbox today. We went with the Green Turtle. We told J about it this morning and went to get it tonight. J got to pick out the sand toys and boy was he excited! He got to play in it before bath time (good move b/c he needed the bath after playing in there!). We built some sand castle villages and were just creative! He loves it!

Tomorrow starts Foster Care Month. We are attending our counties Foster Parent Breakfast. I am looking forward to spending some time with some of our FC friends that we met in PRIDE classes. There are 2 couples in particular and we all have placements right now! I will try to post about it tomorrow night!

I am off to bed... It's been a long day and I am tired.

Our Baby Monkey......

2010-04-26T22:34:00.003-04:00

I wanna go out!

Yeah! I have lots of room to run out here!

Brothers.....

I know I haven't been a foster parent long but, we had to make the hardest decision so far this past weekend.... T wouldn't sleep and after 2 rough nights we were very sleep deprived... I couldn't risk not getting sleep a third night and not being able to function at work..... On Saturday night it was so bad that I had to sit in the recliner all night holding him because everytime I would put him in the crib he woke up screaming.... We couldn't let him 'cry it out' because our rooms are very close together and we were afraid J would wake up and his issues are worse when he doesn't get his sleep..... He was very fussy and clingy in the day time too which caused some jealousy with J and made it hard to do much..... So, we called the on call number on Sunday and told them we couldn't keep him.... J is a challenge and having 2 little boys running us all day and not sleeping at night we didn't know what to do....

I was very sad (and still am) about making that decision but, the family that came to get him yesterday was familiar with him so, although it was a hard decision I felt maybe he would feel more comfortable with a family that knew him..... I miss him so much though.... I know it sounds silly but, even though he was only here a little while, I fell in love with him quickly... When he wasn't fussy or not sleeping he really was a cute and funny lil guy.... I hope we made the right choice.....

I posted some pics of him we took anyway.... He will always be our 'Baby Monkey'.....

6 months ago.....

2010-04-23T21:41:00.003-04:00

One of the first pictures I took of J the day after he came to us.....

Playing his favorite 'new' toy!

Our Baby Monkey...

6 months ago tonight..... J came into our life! I don't think I will ever see the date Oct 23rd again without thinking of J.... We have been through some rough times but, we have been through some fun and loving times too! I am grateful for J coming into my life..... Sometimes it feels like J has been here 'forever' and sometimes it seems like he just walked through our door.... The past couple of weeks have been good @ home and J is settling in again.... He still calls me Big Monkey sometimes and he is my Little Monkey..... One night this week he was calling us Mommy Monkey & Daddy Monkey.... I love him soooo much!

Wednesday I received a call saying that they may have to bring J's lil brother T into care and would my hubby and I be willing to take him if that was the case.... We chatted on the phone about it and decided we would. The other room in our house is a nursery and that is why we couldn't take both J and his older sister back in October but, to keep at least 2 of the siblings together, we would take T if needed.... They were having an emergency FIM today and I couldn't attend..... I spent all afternoon waiting for a call.... At 3:49 the call came-- they would not be removing T right now.... But, if anything changed they would let me know..... I asked about visits this weekend and the case worker said she would check and call me back.... At 4:11pm the plan had changed.... We were doing respite for T 'for the weekend'.... We all know that J was in our care 'for the weekend' so, I guess we will have to see what Monday brings..... He is a cutie.... He loves to snuggle and loves his big brother! It was different trying to get 2 children bathed and to bed..... But, they are both snug in their beds and I am getting ready to go to bed too but, wanted to give an update and 'celebrate' the 6 month anniversary of J's arrival. J told me tonight that T can be our Baby Monkey!

Lastly, the best money we ever spent on J so far was at a yard sale last weekend..... It was actually for someone who has an office in a different department from me at work..... She was selling a (pink) Gameboy Advance for $10. J had to have it.... He loves that thing! If I let him he would play non stop all day! He doesn't even care that it's pink!

I will try to give more updates on our weekend adventure with T!

I Love You, Little Monkey......

2010-04-16T21:10:00.002-04:00

J gets stuck on the same book for weeks on end and we read it every night.... Recently I bought him the book pictured above from a school scholastic order.... It was about a Little Monkey that does naughty stuff but the Big Monkey tells him he/she still loves Little Monkey even when he's naughty.... I bought it specifically for J.... When I have to correct him he says I am not his 'friend' or that I don't love him.... Since we started reading the book and he says those things, I refer back to it and say 'Just like Big Monkey still loves Little Monkey... I still love you when you don't make good choices....' I think my point has started getting through to him because tonight after we read it and he finished getting ready for bed he kept calling me 'Big Monkey' and of course wanted me to call him 'Little Monkey'......

It's a sweet little bond that I will remember after he is gone.... I wonder how long he will call me Big Monkey and insist on being my Little Monkey.....

Good night & I love you-- Little Monkey!

Sunday's with my hubby......

2010-04-11T21:36:00.004-04:00

The one thing I have learned from FC is that you can go from being a childless couple to instant 'parents' of in our case a 4 year old in a matter of hours...... My husband and I are best friends.... We are a very close couple who enjoys being together and doing things with each other.... Even if it's 'nothing'.... It's hard for us to spend nights apart even when we have too.... We were so used to doing everything together, that it was hard for me to stay at home and my hubby still go do what 'we' used to do together.... Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining but, most of the other couples in our FC class already had children and so I think it would be an easier transition on their relationship than not having any children at all.... When you are a FC parent you can't just leave your child with anyone (not that i would leave my bio child with 'just anyone' but, I think you know what I mean). They have to be fingerprinted and background checked and I recently realized that they have to be over 18 yrs old too. We originally signed my sister and my in-laws as our backup providers. After J came to live with us and was having behavior issues it soon came to light that we could not/ would not leave him with my 70 something year old in-laws.... My sis was our only back up and she was finishing her last semester in college. So, we recently signed up a couple we met in FC class and another friend of my hubby's is in the process of being a back up for us.

My point is, that we have every Sunday with out J now when he visits his family.... We spend most of the day running errands and getting things done but, I realized today that it's nice to have 'us' time again.... We love J very much and part of us misses him when he isn't around but, with any parents you need 'Mommy/Daddy' time and I try to enjoy these Sunday's with my hubby. He is my rock and I love him very much..... Having a 4/5 year old with behavior issues takes a toll on us sometimes but, it's nice to be able to connect at least 1 day a week and just be 'us'.... We don't have to worry about if J will have a meltdown or 'entertaining' him for a few hours that day....

When J returns though we are there with open arms ready to hear about his day and feel renewed to get through another week.

Work of Art!

2010-04-10T21:19:00.002-04:00

One of J's works of art! It's Shrek & Fiona (not he & I). Notice the 'angry' eye brows Shrek has. J likes to draw most of his people w/ angry eyes.... I wonder if it means something?

This has been a particularly rough week behavior wise w/ J.... His behavior had mellowed out here at home and several weeks ago started escalating at school..... But, now his behavior at home is starting to be more negative.... I get exhausted..... We are working on some things.... So, I hope we can get him back on track both at school and home again soon.

Above is just one of J's many works of art he has made while living with us. He loves to draw or create with play dough. He can draw/color for hours sometimes..... He has recently learned how to spell my name.... I had to spell it to him several times but, now he can do it.... When he came to stay with us, I didn't realize he knew how to write his name until he showed me one night shortly after coming here. He has since learned how to spell one of our cat Jessie's name and my hubby... But, his shortened name is only 3 letters.... But, mine-- is a whole 7 letters long! I was so proud when he told me 'Don't spell it to me-- I know it now!'. We take his magna doodle or his text n learn game and he asks me to spell stuff to him and we practice letters or spelling words on the way to and from daycare. He is soooo smart!

In a few weeks it will be the 6 mo anniversary of J coming to stay with us. I think they are getting closer and closer to transitioning J back home.... I know in my heart this is what he wants and we talk about 'being friends' even after he leaves... He asks me all the time and I tell him if he wants to see me I would love to stay his 'friend'.... I wonder though if it will really happen... They talk about maintaining connections in FC classes but, I wonder if the family will really want us in their lives... They probably won't want a reminder of this time..... Thinking of that makes me a little sad.... I love J so much and thinking about him leaving is bitter sweet for me.... I want him to be happy and back with his family that he loves so much but, there is a piece of my heart that I think will always belong to him....

My brother and his girlfriend are just weeks away from having their first baby together (she has a daughter from a previous relationship).... This has been a hard pregnancy for me because as the oldest child, I always dreamed of being the first to have a grandchild on our side of the family.... That will never happen now even if we end up adopting.... So, I am a little sad about that fact.... I know I need to 'put on my big girl panties and deal with it' but, honestly sometimes I am very glad that he lives 2 1/2 hrs away so I don't have to deal with this all the time....

One last thing... I am thinking about making my blog private.... I would let anyone who is following it now join but, sometimes I don't really write or write what I want because of the situation and not knowing exactly who is really reading.... I have been thinking about it for a while and haven't made up my mind 100% yet but, wanted to put it out there..... I will keep you updated on my decision and give you time to let me know if you would want to be included.

Happy Easter!!!

2010-04-04T21:24:00.004-04:00

Ooops! I got too much stuff that it didn't all fit in the bucket.... Trust me, J didn't seem to notice :0)

J checking out his loot!

Playing with his new basketball game!

Today was Easter... J seemed happy with what the Easter Bunny left him.... We talked about him not coming out of his room until he woke us up... My hubby heard him first and asked him what he was doing.... He said he wanted to get up.... So, we got up.... J told me 'My Easter basket isn't on the big table'... I said 'I hope he came!'.... Then we walked into the kitchen and his loot was located there.... I am glad we changed our minds and made him 'wonder' if 'The Easter' even came.....

He was with his family for most of the rest of the day but, we had a good morning playing his new catch/toss game and trying to put together his new puzzle (but, he gave up on it so we will have to try again another time)

Overall, it was a good day.... He now has 3 Easter baskets.... One from my Mom and one from his family.... He is going to be hyped up on candy for weeks!

Hope everyone had a very Happy Easter! It was fun having a child in the house this year! The Easter Bunny even left my hubby & I a little bit of candy :0)

The Greatest Show On Earth!

2010-04-03T22:14:00.003-04:00

Our 'Lil Man' handing in our tickets!

Choosing his souvenir

Waiting for the show to begin!

The Elephants :0)

The finale!

As mentioned in my previous post, my sister and I took J to the Circus today... He had a great time and loved it! It was the 'Illuscination' show so it had some magic in it that J had a 'take it or leave it' attitude sometimes with that part. He got bored with the acrobats sometimes too and was anxious for more animals to come out... Overall all 3 of us had a good time!

After the Circus J and I babysat a 12 day old baby boy for our friends we met in FC class... They had tickets to the Circus for the afternoon show and I offered to keep him for them while they went..... He was asleep almost the whole time he was at our house but, he was a sweetie! J was a big helper and so, I let him hold the baby for a moment (with my help of course!)....

Now, I need to go to sleep... J will probably be up early in the morning to see what The Easter brought him (no it's not a typo-- J calls him 'The Easter'-- I keep trying to tell him to add the Bunny part)...

Almost Easter!

2010-04-01T20:38:00.003-04:00

J getting a little help from my sis dying his eggs

J Checking on the eggs

Some of our finished products.... Don't they look beautiful?

J enjoying his work :0)

Tonight my sister and I dyed Easter eggs with J.... He did a great job and was very gentle with them! We love dying eggs and it was fun to share the joy of doing that with a little one this year! He had fun too! He loved seeing the water 'magically' turn into the beautiful colors!

He is so excited for the Easter Bunny to come... We went to visit Mr. Bunny this past Saturday but, my 'back of the head' pic is stuck on the internal memory on my camera and I can't download it off right now (I misplaced the cord) :0( His pics came out so cute! I wish I could post them... But trust me-- they are adorable!

The Easter Bunny is almost ready for our house... Just a few little things and everything will be ready.... I can't wait to see J's expression that morning.... He will be here for the morning then go to his normal Sunday visit w/ his family for the rest of the day....

J's behavior has been sliding back at home lately.... Last night was a particularly rough night but, then tonight was so fun doing the eggs.... Chutes & Ladders I tell ya!

Stay tuned-- We have an exciting weekend.... My sister, J and I are going to the Circus on Saturday! I haven't been to the Circus since I was a kid and I am looking forward to it... I haven't really told J yet because his perception of time isn't good (like all kids his age) and something we did 5 months ago (yes, J has been here 5 months now and actually the 23rd of this month is 6 mos he will be with us!) was 'yesterday'.... I will tell him tomorrow night.... We saw a commercial for it and he pointed it out and I asked him if he would like to go and he said 'Sure-- I never been to the Circus before' (he says that about a lot of stuff)

Happy Spring!

2010-03-20T20:50:00.004-04:00

My sister & I picked this shirt out for J a couple weeks ago.... He always says 'Hey Girrrlll' when he sees girls-- especially pretty ones (of all ages!)

We went to the park/zoo to enjoy this beautiful first day of Spring! (yeah, I now realize I set the wrong date on the camera when I put the batteries in this morning)

We met my friends and their daughter there.... J & J playing in the sand.....

J and his new 'girl' J walking in the zoo..... He wanted to hold her hand but, she didn't have time for that ;0)

Today was the first day of Spring... It was beautiful out so my friends invited J and I to meet them at the park..... J had never met their daughter J yet.... He didn't really seem interested in her at first because in his eyes she is still a 'baby' (she is 2 1/2) and he is a big boy.... But, as the afternoon went on he started showing interest and trying to get her to play with him but, then she was too busy to care.... Isn't that the way it goes in life? One party is interested and the other isn't then when party #1 is interested party #2 isn't.... They learn early don't they? The park & zoo are right next to each other so, after they played we walked through the zoo.... Both places were packed... After all the 'snow days' our area had this winter I think everyone wanted to enjoy the day...... J played in the sand box the most while we were at the park so, I think we are going to invest in one for him at home because he loves to create stuff...

After the zoo we drove by Rita's to get a treat... It was packed (they give out free stuff on the first day of spring) and so I didn't think J would wait in that line so, we went down the road to Baskin Robbins and he enjoyed a treat from there.... After enjoying our treat we went home to throw the football around and blow bubbles until J decided he didn't like the bugs and wanted to go inside.... It was a good day! I was so proud of J doing such a good job at taking turns with the toys at the sand box and waiting his turn for the slides..... He can be impatient sometimes so, I was a proud 'Mama' to see that!

We finished the night off by watching Scooby Doo... He loves that movie and I can't believe I had never watched them before now.... The actual 'movie' ones not the cartoons... Don't get me wrong the cartoons are cool too but, the movies they made several years ago are so funny! I enjoy them just as much as J I think!

While we were at the park, I saw someone who I had not seen in years.... She said hi and asked who J was.... I quietly said 'He is our foster son' (didn't want the whole park to hear) and she said 'Oh, he's cute.... How long do you get to keep him?' I told her we don't know and that he had been with us since October... She said 'Is he local?' and I said yes.... Then I said something that let her know his family gets visits (sorry can't remember because her next comment shocked me-- kinda) and she said 'So, they just want someone else to raise their kids?' I don't know this didn't sit with me very well.... I just left it by telling her his family is working to get him back.... Then I changed the subject by asking about her daughter and she introduced me to her 20 mo old son I had never seen (she is more an old friend of my hubby than mine so, we don't really see each other much)...

One thing I forgot to mention the last time I posted, was a cute thing J said a few weeks ago... We were eating pizza at my in-laws house and someone called him 'Darling' and he said "I am not a darling, I am the foster son!' I tell you-- the things kids say.... He has heard me call him my foster son and he is conflicted that I am doing 'Mommy' things but, I am not his Mommy. I told him Mr. T and I are substitute parents like when his teacher is out he has a substitute in school.... But to hear him come out with this so matter of factly cracked us up inside... We didn't want him to think we were laughing at him....

Well, I am exhausted from our busy day... I have been going non stop (almost I did watch most of Scooby Doo w/ J) since I got up this morning... Happy Spring everyone!

Bad Blogger......

2010-03-18T21:11:00.003-04:00

Hello there! I have been a bad blogger lately and I am sorry.... Every time I say I am going to sit down and write, something happens and I don't get too....

Unsupervised visits have been mixed up lately for J. He has had 2 overnight weekend visits and some day visits. Shortly after the first overnight visit, J has been having some behavior issues at school. DSS, the school and I are working to get him back on track.... They are going to get back on a 'regular' schedule so, hopefully it will help J.

It's getting really hard to balance work and appointments for J. I have only been at my current job 8 months and I am nervous to push my luck at work. The caseworkers don't seem to understand sometimes.... They don't stress the 'it's your job as a foster parent' thing when it comes to appointments in my opinion when you are taking the classes.... I am don't know if it truly is, but, they make you feel like it.... I try to do the best I can and my co-worker and supervisor have been really understanding... But, what if they stop? I cannot jeopardize my job. I try to voice this and they say they understand but, I don't think they really do. I understand they have a lot of children to 'watch over' too but, I just don't know what to do.

J's behavior has been better at home... He is listening to us better... That's a plus! I am so glad spring is almost here... We have had some nice weather the last few days..... I can't wait til it stays warm and we can go out and do things with J again.... I want to take him to a local minor league baseball game, the beach and the park....

That's about it for now..... Again I apologize for being a 'bad blogger'... I will try to do better :0)

Happy 5th Birthday J!

2010-02-21T20:54:00.005-05:00

J's Batman birthday balloon!

J's birthday cake (my sis made it) and decorations

Opening presents! He wanted to open 'the big one' first and this was it!

Playing with his new SpongeBob video game!

Today was J's 5th birthday. He was at a family visit this weekend and got home this evening so we had a quick little birthday celebration when he got home. I asked him a few weeks ago what he wanted his birthday theme to be and he chose Batman. It was fun to buy decorations and 'plan' it. He was excited when he came in and saw the presents and cake! It was just my hubby, my sister and me but, it was a nice little celebration.

The transition back here went pretty smoothly tonight. I don't know if it's because it was his birthday and he was excited to open presents and show us what his family go him but, at least it went pretty good.

I sure did miss him and I am glad he is back! I had a pretty productive weekend and got to relax a bit, but it was weird not to have 'my little buddy' (that's what I call him sometimes)running around here for 2 days after having him here for the past 17 weeks. We didn't get much time to spend together before it was bedtime but, we will tomorrow night after work/school.

Happy 5th birthday little buddy! I love you!

Quiet house.....

2010-02-19T22:37:00.004-05:00

Valentines Day 2010 breakfast for my 2 valentines T & J!

Today J went to visit his family for the weekend for the first time since he came to live with us 17 weeks ago... When I dropped him off at daycare this morning I gave him extra hugs and told him I would see him in 2 days. He was excited to be going to stay with them.... I got through work ok but, as I headed to my car to leave, I got a little sad knowing I wasn't going to be going to pick up my lil buddy. Yes, we have had some hard times with J but, the last couple weeks have been pretty good... He is becoming more loving, listening better and bonding more and more.... I cried today while leaving work because I was missing him already... I worry about him and I can't wait to see him on Sunday. Sunday is his birthday too. So, I hope having cake and presents will make it easier for him to come back... He said he understood he had to come back and that it was 'ok' but, only time will tell how he actually feels... DSS says this could be the pattern for a while... being with us during the week and family on the weekends.... So, we will see how it goes....

So, what are my hubby and I doing this weekend to ourselves? We went over our very good friends house tonight, tomorrow morning we are getting our taxes done, then tomorrow afternoon I am going to try to do some things around the house that I haven't had time too lately. But, I am hoping to relax a bit too....

Last Sunday was Valentines day and I made heart shaped french toast and scrapple for my 2 valentines! We didn't do much but, we gave J a little bag with some new SpongeBob books and some valentines treats.... He really liked it!

For now, I am trying to get used to a quiet house again for a few days.... I can't believe it was 17 weeks ago today J walked into our lives... We have had some tough times but, lately the good times have been getting more and more and I sure do love him!

Snow, Snow Go AWAY!!!

2010-02-08T21:33:00.004-05:00

(A picture of a tree in our backyard during this last storm)

(A picture of a tree in our front yard during last week's storm)

(J trying to play in the snow but, it was so deep and so cold)

We have seen more snow this year in my area than we have seen in several years combined.... I don't like the cold or the snow unless I can stay home and not have to go out in it.... And it's melted by the time I do have to go out.... So, I thought I would be spending endless hours outside w/ J and begging him to go back in and get warmed up.... He hasn't really liked the snow... I think he likes snow but, we have gotten so much lately that it was too deep and too cold for him.... I think part of it too is some of the snow wasn't very good 'snowman' making snow.... So to him it's boring.... Everyday he tells me how he wishes the snow would melt... Me too!

J has been getting closer to us again... More loving and cuddily than he had been lately.... I am enjoying it of course... We have been working with him and listening to us better and things have been up and down still but, more ups than downs.....

J's birthday is less than 2 weeks away now.... We might be having a celebration this weekend but, it's not set in stone yet.... I am excited to have another thing to plan for and celebrate with him.... He is sooo excited to turn 5!

So for now not too much is going on just trying to get though all these snow storms (we might have another one tomorrow night) and preparing to celebrate J's 5th birthday.... I can't wait!

Special Bonds and Family Involvement Meeting

2010-01-24T21:31:00.003-05:00

(J is the one holding the bat!)

Lately J has been bonding more with my hubby than I. It's ok. I still have my 'special bonds' with him. Here are some of them:

1- I don't iron. When my clothes are wrinkled, I put them in the dryer and get them unwrinkled (a trick my Mom taught me growing up!) and then put them on. One time shortly after J came to stay with us, his shirt was wrinkled. I put it in the dryer and then put it on him. Now he prefers his clothes to be 'hot' when he puts them on, so I put his clothes in the dryer for a few minutes before getting him dressed. It helps him get dressed fast because he doesn't want them to get 'cold' before he puts them on.

2- I blow dry his hair. He asked me to blow dry his hair one time, so I figured what the heck-- it doesn't hurt anything... He doesn't have very long hair so, he doesn't need it dried but, he likes it and so when he asks me to do it I do.

I was talking to a co-worker about these and she said I should break these habits because when he moves back home they may not do these things for him... I agreed at first but then told her. 'Maybe they won't. Maybe he will ask and they will think I am silly for doing these things for him-- or maybe he will always think about me and how I warmed his clothes for him and blew his hair dry...' She now agrees that it's not so bad. J has been through a lot in his life and I don't think I am hurting him by 'spoiling' him with these little special things I do.

This past Friday we had a Family Involvement Meeting. It included DSS, bio family, both foster families and a mediator. I worried how it would go but, I think it went well.....I signed a paper stating what happens in the meeting is confidential so I can't really give too many details but, I guess I can say that they have decided to keep J with us for now. The other foster family is ok with it and so is DSS and bio family. He will most likely be here for several more months since there is so much that has to happen for he & his sis to return home. We still have our good days and our not so good days with him behavior wise but, we are still just taking it one day at a time. We will be having more interaction with the family so, I hope it continues to go well.

J started his baseball class/clinic last Saturday. I forgot my camera but, took the picture above on my cell & sent it to my computer. He is doing ok.... There are only 2 in the class right now, so I think that is good to get him used to it. He doesn't do well with crowds of 'strange' kids. 2 weeks down & 6 more to go.

Thats about it for now. His birthday is coming up... So, it's exciting to me to think about hosting a birthday celebration... It probably won't be 'big' but, it will be fun anyway!

Chutes & Ladders

2010-01-10T16:20:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year! Last year my husband had 'minor' surgery and ended up having complications (which he is still dealing with), we lost our dear friend MK and some other family/friends. On the plus side, I changed jobs (and with being there almost 6 months now seem to be settling in fine!), celebrated 10 years together, celebrated 5 years of marriage, we got our foster care/adoption certification and J came into our life. I am looking forward to the new year and wonder what it will hold for us.

That brings me to my title-- I am changing my stand saying foster care is like the game Chutes & Ladders (I think I had previously compared it to a roller coaster). The past week with J has been great he has been listening to us better, being more loving and enjoying our company as much as we have enjoyed his. For Christmas my sister bought him Candy Land and in the past couple weeks we have had to learn sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. He didn't like losing or even being behind at first but, has learned it's ok. He didn't get to exchange gifts with his sister & her foster family before Christmas because they went out of town and had to leave earlier than expected so, they did it today at his visit. They gave him a cool tool set and Chutes & Ladders. After I refreshed myself with how to play it (it's been quite a while since I played it) I explained about the chute and ladder functions. I knew this was going to be a challenge. As I thought he didn't like when I got to climb a ladder and he had to slide down a chute. Finally he won the first game with some challenges. We had to stop the second game due to some unnecessary roughness. He threw his drink across the room and a meltdown shortly followed. So, the past week or so we were climbing up a ladder and today we slid down a chute. We are past it now and working our way back up the ladder-- I hope we don't land on a chute again too soon! I am not naive though and know eventually maybe not today or tomorrow but sometime in the future we will slide down that chute.

In the past few weeks J has bonded more with my hubby and wanting him to do stuff for him instead of me (although I still do most of the 'care' things), when he gets upset my husband can calm him down faster and being 'best buddies'. It's very cute to see them together.

We found out recently that as of right now his family is being compliant to get them back. Next court date is in a few months and we are still not sure if he will be staying with us until then or transitioning to his sister's foster home. We are having a family meeting soon with all parties involved so we can figure out a plan.

J asks when he will go home to his family and we tell him that he can go back home when the case worker says he can go. As much as I love him, I know that in his heart he wants to be back with his family and I sure hope for his sake that the conditions of his return are followed through and he doesn't have to go through this again.

Last month when we went to our first foster parent meeting, J saw some kids playing pee wee football outside. It was the championship game. He has told me almost everyday since then that he wants to play. I don't think he can play until he is 6 so he has a while. It got me thinking of something he can play now. Yesterday there was an open house for a sports place near our house. The options were soccer and baseball. I asked him the other night which he would like to play and he talked about soccer for the next few days. When we got there they had soccer coaches on one side and the baseball coaches on the other. He decided he wanted to do baseball instead and got to do somethings with the coaches to see if he would like it. So, we signed him up for baseball. I am excited to see him learn and grow in this sport. It's only for 8 weeks so if he gets bored with it, he isn't committed too long.

So, for now we are playing the game and hoping to land on all ladders and no chutes.

Christmas Day

2009-12-25T20:47:00.003-05:00

J opening gifts on Christmas morning

Playing with his new bounce back racer-- that doesn't really bounce back!

J with his new magna doodle Santa brought him!

Playing with new play dough set from Santa!

A blast from the past that Santa's elf couldn't pass up!

Today was our first Christmas with J-- our first Christmas as foster parents.... We planned and planned and now it's all done.... But, overall J had a great Christmas and got a lot of nice stuff! We talked about him letting us know he was awake so we could all come out and see what Santa brought together. I woke up around 7 am and went to check on him and although he was in bed he was awake... So, we all ventured out. He was in awe of the tree with presents all around. We opened gifts and then of course we started opening the toys one by one... When J had played with one for a few minutes he would want another one done. He loves everything (except the clothes but, what kid besides a teenage girl is excited about clothes right?) After each gift he said-- 'This is what I wanted!' Such sweet words when you worry and plan what to get and hope that it's what will make him happy on Christmas morning.

We did learn a lesson though. Listen to the Toys R Us lady when she tries to sell you batteries so you will be sure to have them on Christmas morning because you will most likely forget them and when the impatient 4 yr old wants to play with his new bounce back racer remote control care on Christmas morning you will have to send your hubby out to the Royal Farms down the street to get some and pay more for them! Hopefully this will be a lesson we won't forget! The above mentioned bounce back racer car doesn't live up to the name too much. It's supposed to flip over on the other side when it hits a wall and go in the other direction. It only flips for us when it hits the gift box with my new clothes from my in-laws that I haven't put away yet. Oh well-- J still loves it and had fun 'running' over the remote control truck he got from his family the other day when either my hubby or I were controling it.

We went to my in-laws for an early dinner this afternoon and to visit with my BIL and his family who were in town for the day and J curled up in a chair in the living room and fell asleep. I guess opening and playing with those toys in the morning wore him out! He slept most of the time we were there!

On a sadder note, a little girl named Sarah was taken from her house a few nights ago and they have been searching everywhere for her. They have a suspect in custody but, he wasn't cooperating... They asked everyone to search thier own property today to help the investigators. When we got home from my in-laws we searched our property and the empty field behind our house just to make sure. We didn't see anything but, found out later this evening they did locate her body..... I am so sad by this. You hear things like this happen and your heart goes out to those families and even though I didn't know her or her family to hear it happen in my own town really makes it hit home. My prayers go out to her family. I was thinking about MK after I heard about Sarah. MK was a daycare teacher and loved children of all ages. I hope MK was there to greet little Sarah and will look out for her. Next month will be a year since we lost MK. I can't believe it. I still think about her everyday. It will especially be hard on New Years Eve because my hubby and I spent last New Years Eve with MK and her family. Then 28 days later we lost her.

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. It was a good one here!

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T22:23:00.006-05:00

J eating his cookies and watching the Sponge Bob Christmas show in his new Christmas Eve PJ's!

Today was Christmas Eve... I had to work a partial day (thanks to an awesome boss who let us out early!)..... J had to go to my work daycare for the first time today because his daycare was closed. He did well.... Was very shy at first in the morning but, they said he had a good day (with a few minor incidents) and he said he would like to go back again-- good thing because he is signed up for New Years Eve too!

We went to my in-laws tonight for pizza and presents. We have a tradition to exchange gifts on Christmas Eve with them and we kept it this year too. My brother-in-law and his family will be down tomorrow for the day. So dinner is at my in-laws house this year.... I am off the hook! J had fun opening his gifts and even 'helped' (or unwrapped by himself) me with my gifts.... My MIL did great again this year picking out some new tops to add to my work wardrobe! I can't wait to wear them next week!

Yesterday J had a family visit with presents too, so he is going to have 4 Christmases total once tomorrow comes! Luckily they didn't duplicate anything we had already bought for Santa to bring! I think he will be very pleased tomorrow.... Tonight he kept saying 'this is just what I wanted' after opening each gift!

I will pop on tomorrow to post pics and tell you how it goes.... For now, I need to get Santa working on filling up the space under the tree! I am doing the stocking! Then I will try to rest although I am anxious to see my lil guy wide eyed tomorrow morning and ready to rip into more gifts!

Good night & Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas Cookie Making Time!

2009-12-20T20:25:00.005-05:00

Using cookie cutters to make the cookie shapes

Decorating with colored sugar!

Some of our beautiful Christmas cookies!

Tasting our delicious treats!

Today's adventure was to make Christmas cookies for Santa Clause and us of course! I hadn't made sugar cookies in years let alone with cookie cutters! But, I knew J would have fun, so my sister came over to assist! J loved using the cookie cutters and enjoyed sprinkling colored sugar (which my hubby came up with the idea of making our own for the colors we didn't already have & it worked well! Just sugar & food dye!) and finally got to enjoy his treats once they were cooled out of the oven! We are going to pick out a few for Santa and keep those seperate so we don't eat his by mistake! We had fun doing it though and thats what counts! J was such a big helper!

We did go out once today to play in the snow but, last nights snow was the light fluffy kind not the wet snowman making kind, so J lost interest in it fast! We only got a few inches total.

Wow, another day closer to Christmas! I can't believe we are only a few days away! I am making my sister something special this year and need to get working on it! I think I will work on it when I am done here!

An Early Christmas Celebration & Snow Fun!

2009-12-19T21:01:00.003-05:00

J ripping into the Christmas presents my Mom brought him!

J Playing with his new Hot Wheels car carpet! He loves it!

My lil sis & I on her graduation day! I am sooo proud of her!

J making his 1st snowman at our house!

Our masterpiece! Then a few moments later he destroyed it!

The last few days have been busy, exciting and fun!

Thursday 12.17.09 my Mom and her boyfriend arrived in town for my lil sister's college graduation which was Friday. We decided to celebrate Christmas a little early because my hubby & I don't feel comfortable making a 2 1/2 hr trip each way w/ J right now to celebrate Christmas. So, we decided to exchange gifts while they were in town. J had a ball opening the gifts! He ripped right into them! His fave was the color wonders coloring book & markers and his new Hot Wheels car carpet. It was a nice night with family... and makes me even more excited to see him on Christmas morning rip into his presents!

Friday 12.18.09 was both my lil sister's college graduation and J's first over night visit w/ his sisters foster family. I was so proud to watch my sister except her degree! She moved down here with my hubby & I almost 3 yrs ago to get back on track with college and she has done so well finishing with 7 A's this semester! It's been a long road for her and it has finally paid off! She will start grad school in the fall. She may be moving though and that makes me sad because I have enjoyed having her so close for the past 3 years. Then we took J for his sleep over at his sister's foster family's house. My hubby & I wanted to make it special for him so we found a 'Construction Area' theme book bag, sleeping bag, tent, and accessories to give to him before he went and he LOVES it! I let him take the book bag with his clothes in it and the sleeping bag (although I knew they had a bed for him I thought it might help having something of his too) and some of the accesories with him. He had a good time it seems... I am glad he didn't get too upset! His sister's foster family will be going out of state for the holidays so he will see her on Christmas Eve but then won't see her for a couple weeks until they return and we can set up another visit.

Today 12.19.09 it snowed! J has been asking for snow and he finally got it... I was sitting at lunch yesterday and realized I needed to get him some boots! I am so glad I did because he really used them today! He went out and played with his sister and her foster family in the morning before we picked him up then he & I went out twice at our house! We made a snowman but J kicked it down moments after I took a picture of our masterpiece! He loves the snow and wants hot chocolate to warm up with when he comes in. We are supposed to get more snow tonight (it's snowing as I type this) so I am sure it will be another day in & out! I usually dread the snow but, we don't really have to go anywhere tomorrow so, it will be nice to just stay home! J wants to make another snowman tomorrow and this one he wants to be bigger!

I can't believe we are almost 5 days til Christmas... My in-laws wrapped some of J's things for us but we still have some to wrap... I can't wait to put it all under the tree and wake up Christmas morning to watch him open them! Although I am nervous because when I picked J up from his visit @ DSS this week I heard an adult family member say they would be bringing presents to next week's visit.... I hope they don't duplicate stuff we already got for him.... But, if they do, we are prepared to make a last minute dash to the store to exchange and replace it with something else... We will see... The visit is Wednesday afternoon so who knows! Maybe we will get lucky but, I had my in-laws 'mark' each thing just in case so I can know which toy to grab and take back without having to unwrap each one!

Life is not fair.....

2009-12-13T20:58:00.002-05:00

Things have been going pretty well with J lately.... Which makes me sad that he may be moving to another home sometime in the future (there is still a possibility he won't too... who knows!).... He gets emotional sometimes and goes to his room then comes back out but, no major meltdowns since last week visiting his sister (YAY!)....

Today we dropped J off to visit and my hubby & I got to spend the whole day together (well from 10a-5p at least!).... What did we do? We went Christmas shopping for J! I think we did well and I think he will have a good Christmas (at least I hope!).... When we dropped him off his sister's foster mom told me she found out J's Mom is pregnant again! What the-- (as J would say- he just says the What the part and doesn't finish it-- thank goodness!) Why is it that someone who can't take care of their children that they already have can get pregnant so easily but someone like me who longs for a child of my own to hold in my arms can't? It's just not fair!

For now I will love her child and care for him until DSS decides what will happen next.... Until then I will play 'Mommy' and 'Santa' with J and be grateful he is in my life for whatever time he is with us.....

This makes me think back to my own childhood.... I used to say 'It's not fair!' and my Mom would say 'Life is not fair!'..... I agree!

And the stockings were hung.....

2009-12-09T21:27:00.003-05:00

Our stockings! The 3 cats, J's, mine, hubby's and my sisters (even though she doesn't live with us this year we still hung hers up too-- J wanted it up!)

J talking to our cat Jessie infront of our finished product!

We don't have a chimney so the next line for us is.... By the door with care. We have a 1/2 wall I call it when you walk in our front door and the top/open part is framed out. I usually hang our stockings up there. On the Saturday after Thanksgiving while my hubby was hunting J and I decorated the tree... He had been asking since Halloween to decorate for Christmas.... I told him our tradition was to do it the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It was just J and I and we put on Christmas carols and decorated our tree.... I don't think he had done it before so it was fun to have a 'helper' and I think he had fun too!

The past few weeks have been pretty good with J and his anger.... We have had less and less tantrums and more and more fun.... I think he is getting more and more comfortable with us... I found out last week that DSS wants to transition him to the foster home his sister is in after the holidays.... I do understand them wanting them to be together but, we have been doing visits w/ his sister the past few weeks and they don't get a long very well and he has told me a few times he doesn't want to go see her.... I talk him into it and he has more fun playing w/ her 4 yr old foster sister than his bio sister.... We are doing visits @ DSS with adult members of his family too... The first one he threw a tantrum afterwards and we were there over an hour getting him calmed down to leave.... Last week's he had some other issues.... I am keeping track of it and letting the case worker know.... I just worry about him finally getting comfortable here/with us and he will be moved again so soon then if the family gets him back at some point he will be moved yet again.... But, I can't stop it... I am sad thinking about it but, we have gotten to know the other foster family already with the visits and they assured me we can still keep in touch... I am trying not to think about it and just enjoy the holidays..... Some friends worry I am getting too attached.... I would agree if I ignored the fact he may leave but, I admit it will probably happen and I am not going to be an ignorant witch focusing on him leaving and be miserable while he is here making him miserable..... He is our lil guy for now and I am just going to love him and enjoy playing Santa for the first time in years! (my sis was 11 yrs younger than me so I had to help my parents play Santa as a teen for her sake!)

My hubby is still having a harder time adjusting to having a little one in our life and not being able to go and do as we wish.... I am ok with it as long as I get some breaks too like he does. I have left them together 2 times this week for a few hours and both times went well! They get to 'bond' too and I see them getting closer.... Of course before I could leave on Saturday to go to my friend's baby shower J made me pick him up about 10 times to hug/hang on me before I could leave.... Then he said I was gone too long! Tonight he did great too my hubby said... I am glad... The first time I left them together was a few weeks ago and J had a huge tantrum and I had to leave my meeting to come home quickly.... I still worry when I am out but over time I know it will get better..... I keep reminding my hubby that these changes in our life/relationship would happen even if it were our biological child in our life..... It will get easier I know....

So, with a little over 2 weeks until Christmas I am getting more and more excited to see J on Christmas morning!

I will try to blog more in the next few weeks and update on our holiday activities!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T20:56:00.003-05:00

Our turkey we decorated as our 1st 'family project' w/ J

Playing nintendo DS with his 'cousin' H on Thanksgiving....

One of the napkin rings J & I made for our guests....

Today was Thanksgiving.... It went well.... J loved playing with his 'cousin' H.... They played and played hard! My Mom and brother got him a couple toys when they came which was a nice gesture and he loved them! He did really well with all our family and friends in the house.

This year besides my husband, family, job and health-- I am thankful for having J in our life for however long he is with us......

I hope all of you had a great holiday. Happy Thanksgiving!

Visits....

2009-11-25T22:08:00.002-05:00

J had his first visit with his sister since he came to stay with us this past Sunday. It went well. At first he was shy around his sister's foster Mom and little foster sister and kept me close. Eventually I got him interested in puzzles with them and they all had a good time.... We will be doing visits each week and stretching the time out to give them more & more time together each time.... Eventually they want to be able to let them have full weekend visits too....

Monday was his first visit w/ 2 adult family members @ DSS since his placment with us. I was introduced to them and was glad when J ran over to me when he saw me and hugged me.... I was afraid he would be resentful to me.... He seemed to be doing ok as he said good bye to them although he did tell them he wanted to go home with them and but, they said he had to go with me..... He was playing with a toy he got at school and we were trying to tell him not to swing it so that it wouldn't hit anyone and then he had a tantrum. I am not sure if it was due to the visit or just his anger about being corrected. I was able to get good advice from J's sister's foster Mom because she has been doing this for a while and the case worker stayed with us to help him through it and gave some advice and tips....

I asked them both about J calling me Mommy sometimes (not all the time but, sometimes) and they said its ok and perfectly normal.... I would love him to call me it more but, I am not going to say anything just let it take it's course....

Since the visits things have been good. He has really been bonding w/ my hubby.... We took him to get his hair cut tonight and my hubby got his cut too... J told my hubby he wanted him to go first.... J wanted to watch and did a GREAT job when it came time for him! Tonight we were getting things around the house done because we are hosting Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and he was helping my hubby being a good helper! He told me tonight that he wanted to be like my hubby and wanted to have the same name as my hubby (he is named after his father so, I am thinking he feels like he wants to have the same name as his 'Daddy' here?)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving... He will be meeting several members of my family for the first time... I have tried to prepare him but, we'll see! My brother's girlfriend's daughter will be here... She is a few years older than J but I think they will get a long ok....

I went out to pool league with my hubby on Monday night and was talking to our close friends about how J was doing.... They told me I am getting too attached to him and they are worried about how I will be if he goes back to his family.... Too attached??? What am I supposed to do be a cold hearted woman??? I know it will be hard if he goes back but, I have to take that risk. This is my last 'chance' to be someones forever Mommy someday. I don't understand what they expect me to do.... I do love him... He is such a smart boy! And when he is not angry he is such a fun, good & loving boy telling me we are his 'best buddies!' Some of the things he says are SO funny! I told him he was 'too stinking cute' the other day and he said "I do not stink!"-- I didn't think about how he wouldn't understand that comment!

Well, I need to get to bed... I need to get some sleep... J doesn't sleep in at all and it's going to be a long, busy day tomorrow preparing my dinner....

Life is like a.....

2009-11-21T23:17:00.003-05:00

Right now I would have to say my life is like a roller coaster... I don't like roller coasters!

We are having our good days and not so good days with J right now. I know it's understandable due to his life being turned upside down (again) 4 weeks ago... Yes, J has been with us 4 weeks 1 day.... Seems just like yesterday that lil guy was walking through our door....

J has been having some major behavior/anger issues in the past 2 weeks.... It has been happening at home as well as school.... Wednesday was a bad day for both..... I don't want to go into too many details but, it was bad! Like the downward of the roller coaster.

Today was a good day! The upward of the roller coaster! My hubby had somethings to do today and so J and I hung out, rented some new videos (Shrek & Shrek 2 were the pick this week) and played outside. Then this evening we went to a 'Winterfest of Lights' in a nearby town. J had a blast riding the 'train' and looking at all the light scenes.... He did very well waiting in the long line (which moved faster than I thought!), got a light up 'sword' and even got to see the big guy himself-- Santa. We got his picture taken and he told Santa that he wanted a remote control car. At the end he got a candy cane and a fill in the blank 'Letter to Santa'.... What happened to the child writing his own letter to Santa without being prompted. Here is how it reads:

Dear Santa,
So far this year I have been:
____ very good all of the time.
____ good most of the time.
____ good a lot of the time
____ well, not very good lately.

I am a lot older this year. Please remember when selecting my gifts I am ___ years and ___ months old.

Here is a list of some of the good things I have done this year:
1
2
3
4
5

Here is what I would like the most for Christmas this year:
1
2
3
4

Thank you, Santa, for reading my letter. I promise to be good the rest of the year.

Love,
your friend
_________________

I was laughing as I read it! I will sit down with J soon and let him 'fill out' his letter to Santa although he wants everything he sees on TV and I don't know how we will narrow it down to just 4 things.... We may have to send an attachment! Also, I don't remember telling Santa how old I was when I wrote my letter... Doesn't he know how old all the kids are if he is watching them to see if they are naughty or nice? And I wonder how many kids are going to actually choose: Well, not very good lately. Everyone knows 'naughty' children get coal and coal is not a good Christmas gift! I will let you know what J answers in his letter.

This roller coaster has spilled into my relationship with my hubby.... for 10 yrs it's only been he & I. It is an adjustment in general to all the sudden have a child-- a 4 yr old child to care for. We are doing ok but, sometimes it gets a little stressful especially when J's behavior isn't the best. I understand how he must feel like his life is topsy turby right now and sometimes that is hard for my hubby. We are talking it out though and getting through it. The plan is they are still considering us 'respite' and are continuing to look for a long term placement for the siblings so we don't know how long J will be with us.

It's hard not to be able to go out too pool league w/ my hubby every week when I can't get my sis to watch him. She is finishing her last semester of college right now and it's a heavy load so I do understand 100% and want her to do her best. I am so proud of her and can't believe in less than a month she will have her degree and I will be there to cheer her on. I also have waited over 4 years to have a child in my life and am willing to stay home and care for him.

Tomorrow we have scheduled J's first visit w/ his sister since he has been staying with us.... I talked to him about it tonight b/c J is a smart boy and I wanted to let him know. We are taking him to her foster home and will get him comfortable then we may run some errands while he stays and plays. He asked me if we would be picking him up and I assured him he would be coming home with us (because he seemed worried) back to our house... He seems excited to see her...

Tomorrow's conversation after his visit will be telling him he gets to visit w/ 2 of his adult family members on Monday afternoon. I am wondering how his behavior will be after that visit. That may be harder on him. We'll see. DSS is picking him up from school and taking him back to the agency for those visits and I will be picking him up. I hope he has a good time and it's not too hard on him. I will let you know how it goes.

Thanksgiving is on Thursday. We are hosting it this year. I am excited for my family that lives away to meet J and also nervous on how he will react to having so many people in our house at once... Several he has never met before. I have planned to make some decorations tomorrow that he can 'show off' that day to help him break the ice with them. I am also going to tell him his room is his space and if he gets over whelmed he can go in his room and no one will 'bother' him.

Ok, I need to get some sleep. He gets up pretty early in the morning! Good night...

5 years ago today....

2009-11-13T18:29:00.002-05:00

5 years ago today.... I was a blushing bride..... I was married my best friend.... I felt like a princess in my gown.....

My hubby and I have been through good times and bad times.... We have grown closer through the tough times...... I love him very much and am so glad to have him in my life.

Happy Anniversary Babe! I love you!

11.11.99- Ten years ago today!

2009-11-11T17:02:00.002-05:00

Ten years ago tonight I was at a friend's house for dinner and met my hubby. It wasn't a planned hook up... He stopped by to pick up my friends husband to go somewhere and they introduced us.... He walked in to my life and 'stole' my heart! Actually-- I gave it to him!

We clicked instantly and became a close couple who did (almost) everything together! We still do! It's been an adjustment to have a child in our lives because we are now learning that we can't go everywhere we used to go together... But, we are adjusting! We are on a pool league and I have had to miss a couple weeks to stay home w/ J and my hubby says it's not the same without me.... Being at home 'alone' once J goes to sleep is lonely for me too.... We just like spending time together.

I am so grateful for my hubby being in my life and thank God everyday for bringing him to me....

I love you Babe! Thank you for being not only my hubby but my best friend too!

Bubbles, Feathers & Smashmallows......

2009-11-11T16:48:00.003-05:00

I had to take J to the doctor yesterday for a follow up from last weeks visit. He wanted to know if he was going to get a needle.... I told him I did not believe he would need a needle.... To sweeten the pot and make sure it went like last week I told him if he did good and let the doctor check him out I would get him more bubbles for his bubble toy he got on Sunday that came with a tiny jar of bubbles that lasted no time.... So, after the appointment we went searching for bubbles.... Store #1- no luck, Store #2- no luck.... My hubby called while in store #2 and I told him I needed bubbles! He offered to go to another store and look for bubbles.... He called me while I was on my way home and said 'I struck out on bubbles I think-- they are seasonal'-- SEASONAL??? I had no clue that bubbles had a season.... What were we going to do now? My hubby offered to go to another store to find some bubbles.... When he arrived home he had BUBBLES!!! We were saved! He found them at the first store he went too... In the wedding section! If ever in need of bubbles and it's not bubble season, keep this in mind!

J brought home a 'family' homework project home to be completed this week. It was a picture of a Turkey and we have to decorate it.... It gave suggestions of things families have used in the past and I read it to J and he wanted to use feathers.... While on my hunt for bubbles I was also looking for feathers! Store #1 & #2 both did not have feathers either! My wonderful hubby saved the day there too and found 2 types of feathers for J to decorate his project with! Whew another disaster diverted!

While in store #2 J passed by a display of mini marshmallows... He asked if he could have some because 'I love smashmallows!' Who wouldn't let him have them after such a cute and sweet way of saying marshmallows? So, of course I got them for him.... We worked on saying 'marshmallows' instead of smashmallows but, I think it's cuter the way he says it now!

So yesterday was filled with bubbles, feathers and 'smashmallows'!

The honeymoon is over.....

2009-11-09T21:07:00.003-05:00

This past weekend has been a rough patch.... since seeing his relatives while leaving day care on Thursday afternoon J's behavior has gotten progressively worse ending the weekend in a huge tantrum last night.... Over nothing... J has been calling us names and telling us repeatedly he doesn't like living with us.... His tantrum was so bad that we called the emergency number but he ended up calming down so we decided not to have them come out. I spoke to his case worker first thing this morning and she had already been notified about the incident and said we did everything right and that 'the honeymoon is over and you are seeing the real J now'.... I asked when they will make a decision what his plan will be-- will he stay or will he go? She said they are not sure when they will make the final decision... They are taking a lot of things into consideration....

A friend asked me what I want to happen.... As hard as the angry times are (and last night was bad let me tell you!) the loving/cuddly times are wonderful! He can go from happy/loving to angry in a matter of minutes and back.... I don't want to give up on him.... Maybe that is part of his problem-- maybe everyone has given up on him and that can't be good for his self esteem right??? I suggested therapy for him (I used to work for a provider that had a mental health department and worked in it for a while so I know a good 'play therapist' that works with young children) but, she said they don't want to start it until they know what his plan is.... HELLO! He needs to get some help & soon!!!! I am going to leave it in their hands..... If he is meant to stay he will stay... If he is meant to go he will go and I will be sad and miss him but after all I want what is best for him....

My hubby is doing ok with all of this.... He stays in the background and lets me handle the tantrums for the most part.... He misses us being able to go and do whatever we want and I do too but, I also know that having a child in our lives (biological or not) means sacrifice.... We will be celebrating 10 years together this Wednesday (11/11) and 5 years of marriage this Friday (11/13).... For 10 yrs it's been just the 2 of us... Now we have someone else to think about, care for and love.... And it is an adjustment I must admit..... But one I have been planning for over 4 years now.

So as we live day to day waiting for the decision to be made about J's plan..... We now know 'the honeymoon is over!'... This is the real J!

Random things from this week....

2009-11-07T21:03:00.002-05:00

Our lil guy can be sooo sweet one minute and be sooo angry the next.... I know that this is part of being a 4 yr old... especially one who has had a rocky family life for most of his young life.... I enjoy the sweet times and just try to get through the angry times.... Today was a day filled with a mixture between the two....

We found out this week that J may not be leaving us on Monday... They have not finalized his 'plan' yet and we don't know when/if he will be leaving now.... So, we are just back to living day to day waiting for an answer at some point.... His daycare is closed the Friday after Thanksgiving and the case worker told us we should make plans for him that day if we both have to work... I am guessing that was telling us that he may be here through Thanksgiving....

J is starting to talk about Christmas now.... Tonight as I was putting him down to bed he asked me where he could go to see Santa and who would take him.... I told him I thought someone would take him... He wants to know who.... I can't promise that we can in case he isn't here for Christmas.... It's hard not knowing.... I am trying not to promise him things that I am not sure I will be able to do because if he isn't here the next family may not want/be able to do it and I don't want to let him down.

Thursday afternoon when I went to pick him up from daycare 2 family members were there (this is a big no no!) when we were walking out... They briefly spoke to J and then left.... I wasn't sure how to handle this so, I called his case worker once I was in the car and notified her..... J wouldn't speak or look at me for almost 2 hours afterwards.... I don't know if he was mad at me, them or both..... I am sure it was hard for him... since then he has been talking about his family more.... I try to be supportive but, not sure what to say sometimes.....

When J is having his sweet moments he loves to cuddle and I don't mind! Tonight he called me 'Mommy' once and I am not sure if it was on purpose or by mistake... I didn't really say much... wasn't really sure what to say..... I am not his Mommy and he calls me by my name usually but, maybe he is starting to feel differently or it could've been a slip... I will see if it happens again and ask the case worker for advice on how to handle this..... He makes sure I hear him when he tells me he loves me now.... It's so sweet to hear!

Sorry I haven't been writing much lately but, some days it's exhausting..... I am not complaining though.... I am loving this.... It is a little harder jumping right in with an active 4 yr old.... Most Mommy's start with an infant and gradually adjust to them getting more active.... We jumped in feet first! I am not complaining though.....

Stupid, Ugly Family......

2009-11-04T22:11:00.004-05:00

They teach you in PRIDE class that kids will say some hurtful things while they are staying in a foster home as a defense tactic.... Tonight J said "I want to live with my family... I don't want to live with a stupid, ugly family....." I remembered what they said in class so my response to him was: "I know you would like to live with your family but, right now you can't so we are taking care of you for a while. Maybe in the future that will be possible again." After taking his bath he was back to hugging and loving on us... So we were only a stupid, ugly family for a little while!

Yesterday I had to take J to the Dr... I was a little nervous but, he was so good and did very well... All he wanted to know was if he was going to get a needle-- no needles-- Whew! Dodged that bullet!

J is also starting to bond more with my husband.... He went from shaking his hand/giving hi five when leaving or going to bed to hugging him like he does with me.... I think its so cute that he is finally getting close to my hubby but, know it will make it harder on all of us when he leaves.... He has started getting more attached to me as well.... I can't help it though... I can't be a distant person..... I care too much!

We are still expecting J to leave us next week... We wrote an e-mail to the worker asking what the plan is and how it would happen.... We would also like to prepare J but, don't know specifics yet so it's hard to do that....

I can't believe that next week we may be a 'childless' couple again.... It's been fun having J here and I will miss him.... Yes, there have been good times and not so good times... But, I would do it again in a heart beat!

So, I am going to enjoy the next several days with him..... because I know next week will be here before I know it.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T20:06:00.006-04:00

"Trick or Treat!"

Our lil Incredible Hulk and his jack-o-lantern!

Getting his face painted by the clown at 'Trunk or Treat' hosted by my hubby's work

Using his muscles to play the pop the balloon game

Playing the throw the ball game!

Our little guy wanted to be Spiderman but, when we went to get it, they didn't have one in his size so, then he saw the Incredible Hulk and wanted that & I think it was soooo much cuter anyway! He loved trick or treating & did a great job! Everyone loved his costume too!

Earlier in the day my husband's work hosted a "Trunk or Treat" and J had a blast! There was a clown doing face painting, cars to 'trick or treat' at and games to play.... It was a fun and safe activity for the kids!

I really enjoyed Halloween this year being able to share it with J and see the joy in his face when people 'pretended' to be scared of him.... He would take off his mask and say 'It's just me' to show them he wasn't really scary! Everyone would point to me and tell him to share his candy with his Mommy and I held my breath each time waiting for him to tell them "She's not my Mommy!" but he didn't... He would just say "Thank You" and run down the steps to show me what he got....

I know Nov 9th will be here too soon but, in the mean time I am just living in the moment and enjoying our time together!

Hope everyone has a....

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Wednesday....

2009-10-28T21:52:00.002-04:00

Wednesday started out with a call from the case worker asking how J has been doing, apologize for the confusion on the meeting yesterday and clarifying a few things I had left a message about the day before.... She said she would try to call me around 2:30 pm with an update..... About 3 pm she called to say they are still working on finding a new placement for the kids and he would be with us a little longer and she would keep me updated.... A little before 4pm (I was in an appointment) I missed a call from the agency.... My heart raced as I listened to the voice mail... They needed me to call them back... I called and the supervisor told me they found a placement for him but they couldn't take them until Nov 9th. She said J would stay with us til then. I've got more time with him-- I know what you are thinking... It will be harder to say 'good bye'.... But, I am grateful for more time.... I might regret it later though....

So, we had to do some shopping tonight! Halloween is Saturday and we needed a costume.... I won't tell you what he picked but will post pics Saturday night.... He had a little tantrum in the store but, we made it through it.... and he is sound asleep now.... I think he was just tired.... I am exhausted! Its hard going from a house with no kids to a house with a 4 yr old... But, I am grateful for it!

That's the update for today... A little more time with our lil guy!

Taking things day by day.....

2009-10-27T21:06:00.004-04:00

No real decisions were made today at the meeting-- that I didn't get to attend.... The meeting I was 'invited' too...

I called the case worker first thing this morning to see approximately how long the meeting would last so I could let my boss know how long I would be gone... Although I didn't receive a return call form her, I went to the agency anyway. Checked in, and was told to have a seat.... 10-15 mins later I finally see her.... Then she comes over and softly says to me: 'Sorry I didn't return your call..... I was in a meeting all morning then went to lunch.... My supervisor told me this meeting is just for the family today... We really don't know what we are going to do yet..... I am sorry'-- WHAT??? Why couldn't she take 30 seconds to call me so I didn't have to leave work for NOTHING!!! I was upset but, in a lobby full of people just quietly left.... I asked her to call me and let me know how it goes.... She did but, I missed the call... The message said basically that no decision was made at today's meeting... J would need to stay with us tonight and possibly tomorrow night.... They will keep me informed.... I thought they had a plan on Monday now today no plan? Things change day to day.... Now, I have to live my life day by day.... I wish they would just say-- Ok, one week from today he will be moved or something like that so I know something besides being anxious every time the phone rings.... Ugh!

I dropped off/picked up J at before/after school daycare today.... When the daycare provider opened the door when I came to pick him up he was excited to see me... What a feeling that was!

Tonight we went to my in-laws and had pizza with them.... J was a little uncooperative when we first got there but soon warmed up and ate some dinner.... The rest of the night was good....

I love little 4 yr old talk.... How they mix up their words and it sounds so cute! J says the cutest things....

Each night he gets his bath, eats his snack, then it's bed time... We brush his teeth, I read him a book then we say good night.... Tonight as I walked out the door he yelled 'Love you!'..... Oh how he melts my heart!

So, I am taking things day by day.... enjoying the time I have with him.

Monday, Monday....

2009-10-26T21:46:00.002-04:00

This morning my hubby and I took J to preschool... We got to see his room and meet his teacher... She is very nice and seems very caring.... When we went to leave, J hugged me tight and for the first time gave me a kiss on the cheek.... I have been very careful to let him decide if what/when he wanted to show 'affection' to us... Then I got to work and the case worker called to see how the weekend went.... She also told me that J will most likely be with us a little while longer but eventually leave..... They want to keep him, his older sister and a younger sibling together (younger sibling isn't removed yet but, I guess they think it may happen soon) so they will be looking for a foster home that can care for them all.... I totally understand but, feel bad because we only have room for 2 children so we can't even have the option...

I tried to be strong but, I have to admit I broke down a few times at work today (thank goodness for having my own office now) thinking about how he is too young to understand that we do care for him, and that he didn't do anything wrong.... it's nobody's fault.... It's just a crazy situation.... There will be a 'team' meeting tomorrow that they would like one of us attend.... I am going to see if I can get off to go.... I just hope I can be strong through it....

My hubby is sooo supportive.... he knows this will be hard for me..... I thought I would be ok when I said yes but, you just see this cute little boy that is lovable and you just forget for a moment that he may leave you...... I don't know if I can go through this again.... But, I am not sure I can give up my dream of being a Mommy....

I hope I can get the strength to get through the meeting tomorrow ok... I will let you know how it goes....

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers..... They are much appreciated!

2nd full day w/ J!

2009-10-25T21:34:00.005-04:00

J looking at some animals at the zoo.
Swinging on the swings!

Climbing like a big boy on the ropes!

Today we took J to the zoo and playground in our town.... It's just a little zoo but, big enough to see some animals... there is a playground right next to it so we let him play there too... He had fun and it was a nice fall day to go... We saw monkeys, alligators and bears-- Oh my!

On the flip side we did have a few trying times today but, we made it through with only 1 time out! I think it was harder on me to make him take the time out then it was on him (doesn't everyone say that??) But for the most part he is a very good & loving boy who seems more attached to me than my hubby....

We will find out tomorrow what his plan is.... I just want to know... I am taking it day buy day at this point....

Well, he is asleep and now it's time for me to go to bed too... First day getting a 4 yr old and myself ready for work/school.... We are both going to drop him off so we can find out some info in case we have him for a bit longer....

Above are some pics from today. Enjoy!

First full day doing foster care.....

2009-10-24T21:36:00.003-04:00

J Riding on the wagon after buying pumpkins!
J pulling the wagon to the register to buy his pumpkin- such a big boy!

Picking out his pumpkin after having fun in the maze/play area!

Going in the hay tunnel!

Leading the way through the corn maze!

Today was our first full day with J as foster parents.... The weather called for rain all day so I wasn't quite sure what we would do. We woke up and made pancakes.... I made J's in the shape of Mickey Mouse and he loved it! Then we got ready and since it looked okay out we decided to go to a local farm and get J a pumpkin and they also had a corn maze there for kids too... We got there and they had hay stacks to climb on & through, mazes, games.... so much to do! We did it all! J had so much fun! Then we let him pick out his own 'big' pumpkin and also a smaller one that he can carry too. Then we went to where my sister was working and J got a spider painted on his face.... Then we went back home to watch-- more Sponge Bob! J loves Sponge Bob! We spent the rest of the afternoon at home and this evening my sister came over and helped J carve his pumpkin we bought him.... All in all it was a great day! J told me he likes staying with us and tonight during his bath he even said the 'L' word! He is such a good boy! Don't get me wrong he is a 4 yr old and has to be redirected sometimes but, overall he is good! I am anxious to see what will happen come Monday.... I keep telling myself he may have to leave, but, wouldn't mind if he stayed a bit longer :0) Above are pics from today.... for privacy reasons I won't show his face but, you can see he had a blast!

'The Call'

2009-10-23T21:52:00.002-04:00

Today I was on my way home from work and my cell phone rang.... I saw the number and knew it was DSS! I answered not knowing what the result would be.... The resource worker introduced herself and told me she was calling for a possible placement... She told me that a 7 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy were being removed from a relative placement..... She told me all the info they had about both and said she had a placement for the girl but, that home couldn't take both so she wanted to know if we would be willing take the boy 'J'.... it's respite care right now but, will find out next week what the 'plan' will be. He is an adorable little boy. When the worker dropped him off she warned us he can be a handful and we have to be 'stern' with him but, she said he might 'honeymoon' good with us because there are no other children in the home. He arrived about 6:45pm and since then we have watched Sponge Bob, got a bath & PJ's on, ate some cookies and milk and now he is in bed.....

1st night down and so far so good.... Now, we have to figure out how to entertain him for 2 days! It's supposed to rain tomorrow so, we will have to find something inside to do....

So, we got 'the call' we had been waiting for and I am ok knowing this might be just temporary and he might leave in a few days...

I am going to try to get some sleep now! Big day tomorrow entertaining a 4 yr old!

This is me being Patient....

2009-10-07T21:55:00.004-04:00

(the picture we used for our home study file w/ DSS)

(The approval letter that came with our license)

(Our license!)

(The envelope our license came in! On my hubby's birthday & I let him open it!)

So, several posts ago I mentioned I am trying to learn how to be more patient and wait for things to happen.... It's still hard.... Yes, we are finally licensed..... But, everyday each time the phone rings I take a deep breath thinking-- This could be the call that will change our lives.... Of course that call hasn't come yet.... No calls from DSS have come yet....

I thought while I am 'waiting' I would post some pics... I have seen/read/followed a few blogs that people 'document' every step of the process and then plan to print it out for their child to have as a keepsake.... Above are pics I took when we got our license in the mail! Sorry about all the white spots but, I didn't want some info to be shown on here for privacy reasons! This was the only way I could think to block it out-- sorry it's a little messy :-)

Hope you enjoyed the pics.... sorry I didn't post them sooner! Hopefully we will get a 'call' soon!

We got mail!

2009-09-22T17:32:00.002-04:00

Our official 'license' arrived in the mail today! It's my hubby's birthday so I let him open it! It is so nice to be done w/ the home study process.....

Thanks for the congrats and good wishes!

Verbal Confirmation Received!

2009-09-21T16:34:00.002-04:00

The day we have been waiting for since January came today.... Our home study case worker called me this morning and told me we have been approved and she is putting our license in the mail today.... YAY! I was SOOO happy.... My hubby's birthday is tomorrow and I was hoping we would be licensed by then, and we are!

Although I am very happy and excited this day has come, I keep telling myself it could take some time to get a placement at all let alone one that is within our requests....

But, for today this feels great! We couldn't do anything else with out this news so, I am happy! Secretly hoping a placement comes soon though ;-)

Almost there!

2009-09-13T13:39:00.002-04:00

I got a call from our home study case worker this past week.... She wanted to make an appt to meet with us to have us read our draft of our home study and if all is well, sign off on it.... I am meeting with her tomorrow at 8am.... My hubby can't get off work to make the appt so, she will leave it with me and I will have him review it, sign off and return it to her office on Tues.... She says Wednesday morning she will take it to her supervisor and once it's approved, she will mail out our license.... She says we might have it by the end of the week....

With that said, then a new waiting period begins.... We never know how long it will take to get a placement... It could be hours, days, weeks or months! But, at least we will be certified when it happens!

We are almost another step closer to our goal! Can't wait!

So far so good!

2009-08-15T17:02:00.004-04:00

This past week we had 3 visits/inspections:

Monday 8/10- Fire Marshall inspection- No violations!

Tuesday 8/11- Home lead test w/ our home study case worker- No lead!

Wednesday 8/12- Sanitation/Health inspection- Only violation that I know of so far (still waiting for water test results which take about a week she said) is our hot water temp was 130 degrees so we have to turn it back to 110.

All in all we are thrilled that that is all that went 'wrong'.... When the case worker was here she said once she gets our reference checks finished and the reports from this week's inspections she will finish writing our narative and then schedule a visit for us to 'read' it.... Then we should be certified... She hopes to have us completed by the end of Aug/ begining of Sept!

Wow, sometimes it's crazy (in a GREAT way though) to believe that we will soon be done this process.... We have been working on this since January and with in the next month (hopefully) we will be certified and could accept a placement if one becomes available!

So, so far so good.....

Inspections scheduled!

2009-08-07T18:25:00.002-04:00

We finally got the calls we have been waiting for! We have our health and fire inspections scheduled for next week! Monday afternoon will be the fire inspection and Wednesday afternoon will be the health inspection.....

I have a few finishing touches on our house to prepare for both this weekend (finish child-proofing the house and finalize our fire escape plan) and hopefully both will find our home fit for a child and then once our case worker finalizes our paperwork and reference checks we will be certified soon!

Maybe by my hubby's birthday in September we would be available for a placement when one comes available :-)

You know you are getting old when......

2009-08-03T17:39:00.003-04:00

We are still waiting for the fire and health inspectors to call and set up our appointments.... Since nothing new has happened since I last wrote about the Foster Care/Adoption home study process I though I would share this story with you..... I hope you don't mind!

About 10 yrs ago when I was new to the area I now call my home, I was working at a daycare. A family at the daycare was looking for a baby sitter and one of the administrators (whom I had done some baby sitting for too) suggested me.... We talked and I began sitting for them.... I got very close to this family and for a couple of years would take the children from school (where I worked) to either their house or one of their parents @ work and also baby sat on weekends.... When I decided to leave the daycare and pursue another job opportunity I lost touch with them and didn't baby sit for them anymore... I have always thought about them and wondered how they were..... but, after some time I let life get busy and didn't keep in touch. The last time I saw these children they were 8 (a girl), 7 (a girl) and almost 4 (a boy) yrs old. That was in December 2001....

So, over the weekend I was on Facebook and saw a 'suggested' possible friend and it was a 'baby/child' that I knew from the daycare.... Last time I saw her she was about 4 yrs old.... Now she is old enough for Facebook? No way! Curiosity got me so, I looked @ her friends and saw 2 other 'babies/children' from the day care... These 2 I knew when they were just a few weeks old... Wow! I can't believe it... These children probably won't remember me as much b/c I spent less time w/ them so, I didn't/don't plan on contacting them....

So, it got me thinking.... Does anyone in the family I was so close too have Facebook pages? Guess what? 3 out of 5 of them do! The Dad and the 2 oldest. I told my hubby about finding them and took 24 hrs to decide if I should contact them or not.... It's been almost 8 yrs since I saw/talked to them..... Would they remember me? Would they care? I did promise them I would keep in touch and didn't.... Would they be angry? Would they be glad?

I decided to contact them.... If I got a negative response back I would leave it alone but, I just had to know! So, last night I friend requested them and sent them each a message (reminding them who I was) and all 3 have accepted my friend invite and 2 (the Dad & the middle child) have sent me a message sounding happy that I have gotten back in touch with them....

Why didn't time stand still? How come these children are pre-teens & teenagers? The middle girl told me she is Oh my gosh!-- starting high school this year! Yikes!

So, here are 2 answers to my title:

You know your getting old when.... the kids you used to watch Disney movies with now have Facebook pages!

You know you are getting old when.... the kids you used to babysit could now babysit your (future) child/children!

I lied... I still don't 'feel' old! But, I still can't believe that the children I once knew are growing up and not still 8, 7 and almost 4 like the last time I saw them :-)

Another year gone....

2009-06-30T20:44:00.004-04:00

Today is my birthday.... I am 33 yrs old today.... I love my birthday and to everyone I know I am the 'only' person over the age of 21 that still loves their birthday.... It's MY day.... My special day.... As a child I had to 'share' the other holidays with my siblings and cousins but, my birthday was MINE! All MINE!

My birthday does bring some sadness though... A month after my 29th birthday my hubby and I decided to start our family and 'threw away' the birth control..... Call it being pessimistic but, I always had a 'feeling' that I would not get pregnant right away.... I had no medical basis for this until several months after we started TTC but, I think I always knew..... I tried being optimistic though and was hoping to be a Mom before my 30th birthday (or shortly after).... By the time I was 33 I would have 2 kids or be pregnant with my 2nd at least right??? Almost 4 yrs later I still have no baby or child to hold in my arms and call me 'Mama'....

I am still very hopeful that our foster care/ adoption process will bring us to our child.... We met with our case worker last week and it seems we only have the fire and health inspections left and we could be done our home study process.... She will check into why they haven't called yet.... So, we are still 'waiting'..... Do you think someone is trying to teach me patience?

So, I am 33..... I am not a Mom yet but, I am: An Infertile person living with Diabetes and Hypothyriodism that has High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol and Sleep Apnea (as of last week when I got tested and now waiting for my machine). Wow what a mouth full!

I hope this year brings a new 'title'.... I hope by this time next year I can finally say I am a Mama! But, for now-- another year is gone.

'Happy Birthday MK'

2009-05-26T20:27:00.003-04:00

Today would've been my friend MK's 41st birthday.... I miss her so much and have been thinking of her all day (like I do everyday).... I hope she is at peace.... Some times I wish I could talk to her one more time and tell her how much I miss her..... I can't believe that this Thursday she will be gone 4 months already.... Last year her b-day was on Memorial day and we celebrated it with her family....

My hubby came home from the hosptial today! He was in there 1 full week... It was one of the longest week in a long time.... I missed having him here with me and tonight I am appreciating having him back here!

Just wanted to 'wish' MK a happy birthday and give an update on my hubby!